Al Gore's latest plan to combat Global Warming
Ha. Ah'm Al Gore. As you know, it's gettin' hotter than hell around here.
That's why I've been telling y'all about global warming.
Skeptics will tell you that because the Earth exists in the Sun's "atmosphere," solar cycles are responsible for warming the Earth.
Let me assure you that is utter propaganda designed to damage my --er-- the world's investment in carbon offsets.
I'll admit, though, that the Sun is playing a minor role, a very minor role -- after humans, of course -- in warming the Earth.
But one of my inventions -- no, it's not the Internet, silly! -- may be able to solve the problem.
I'm talking Gore-Tex™, my miraculous invention made of recycled Llama hair and space-age petroleum byproducts.
I've devised a plan to use Gore-Tex to shield the Earth from the Sun's harmful rays.
Think of it as a pair of Ray-Bans™ for our beloved Earth Goddess Gaia.
With my new foundation, Al Gore's Mission to the Sun, we're planning on a space-shuttle launch to deploy an enormous Gore-Tex shield that can protect the Earth from getting metaphorical skin cancer.
With its adjustable filtering, we can change it from a "sunblock level" -- scientists call this an SPF factor -- 30 to SPF 3. This will have a dramatic impact on global warming, along with outlawing cars.
The UN and the IPCC are telling me this idea is sheer genius. That's why I'm asking for your help.
We're looking for your contributions. Anything you can spare, be it $500, $100, $20, or even some carbon offsets... anything you have would be greatly appreciated.
Visit AlGoreMissionToTheSun.com or call 1-888-555-GOREIFY for more information or to contribute.
And, pass the Mint Julep, will ya, Tipper? It's gettin' steamy in here!