It's been 20 years of panic-mongering and we still have the same general weather patterns. Go figure.
Top 10 Good Things about the Greenhouse Effect - August 10, 1988
10. Melting polar ice caps make for better surfing.
9. Long lines at Disney World reduced by sunstroke.
8. With five years, Jerry Lewis' hair will be bone dry.
7. Can use "stuck in road tar" as acceptable excuse for missing work.
6. ABC will take a $200 million bath on Winter Olympics.
5. Intense heat should open pores in General Noriega's forehead.
4. My dog-shaving business will take off.
3. "I'm dehydrated" will replace "I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler" as America's favorite phrase.
2. Can cook lobster by lowering it into toilet.
1. Hot babes, less clothes. 'Nuff said.
And are you ready for more of these?
Top Ten Other Clinton Scandals - September 29, 1998
10. Kicked 12 year-old boy to get McGwire home run ball
9. He's the real reason behind Matt Damon-Minnie Driver breakup
8. Wedding ring he gave to Hillary? Cubic Zirconia
7. Sold secret puffy thigh technology to Yeltsin
6. Once tried to build a bong out of Al Gore
5. Broke into the Watergate just for the hell of it
4. When family goes to movies, makes Chelsea pretend she's under 13
3. Paid Ken Starr to write a report that would "make him look like a stud"
2. At state dinner, once accidentally hit on Hillary
1. Secretly sold Delaware to Chinese for $500