Saturday, June 28, 2008
Behind the scenes: the secret negotiations between Barack and Hillary
In order to quell the discord in the Democratic Party, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama arrived at a deal this week that would enable them to more effectively collaborate. The efforts to unify the Democratic factions stem from a groundswell of support within the party for John McCain (see: "Prominent Democrats Will Lead McCain's New Hampshire Organization" and "Over 100 Anti-Obama Websites Set Up By Hillary Supporters").
It is not entirely clear what sort of negotiations occurred behind the scenes to enable the two foes to arrive at a peace settlement. But Junior Cub Reporter Biff Spackle discovered the only known transcript of the first meeting between the winning and losing Democratic candidates.
Hillary, thanks so much for coming to meet me in private.
As you know, many of your supporters have pledged their allegiance to John McCain and the GOP.
Hillary, what will it take to get you to unify the party?
Barack, thanks for entertaining me here at your beautiful Jeremiahisport compound.
I've only got two demands, I mean, requests.
First, I want 21 million dollars to bring my campaign fund out of the red.
Second, if I'm chosen as your nominee for Veep, I want my own cool, fake vice presidential seal.
You know how you have vero possumus on yours?
Yes, it means "in truth, we are able."
Yeah, I read it on the Puffington Roast. I want the latin Secundum verum, nos reperio cameltoe on mine.
You've got it.
Err, Barack, why is a hotdog standing in the corner?
Isn't that a member of your posse?
Hell no! I thought it was one of your bodyguards in disguise!
Security! Get that hot dog!
It's running away!
Take it down, take it down!
Why, Bill, why?
I wanted to know if you were having an affair... I wanna be president again, where everyone'll lissen to me... I been out of the loop for so long....
But why in a hotdog suit?
I thought no one'd reco-nize me...
Sleepy... gettin' sleepy... I'm slippin' away... Jennifer, I'm comin' home...
Oh, the humanity!
Does this mean I can be VP now?