Thursday, June 12, 2008
I'm Jeff Probst and welcome to the season finale of...
Let's recap the first eight weeks of the show.
Week one: campaign financier Tony Rezko, who Barack kicked off the show with the immortal words Turn that f***ing camera off you s***head!
Week two: Barack's lifelong friend, pastor and advisor Jeremiah Wright was booted, leaving a farewell message of G*dd**n America and its televisions! These shows were invented to harm all people of color!
Week three: It was time for one-time terrorist and Obama fundraiser William Ayers to leave. He said, I don't regret anything I've done on this show, including stealing all of Jeremiah Wright's underwear. I feel we didn't do enough."
Week four: Father William Pfleger bid us adieu with the immortal words: "America is the greatest sin against God and the second greatest sin in this damnable show!"
Week five: State Senator and Reverend James Meeks left the show in a hurried controversy when he said of your beloved host -- Jeff Probst, "He may not be a slave master. But we have the same game show hosts. It's the same white people who are presiding over reality shows where black people are not eligible!!!”
Week six: Obama campaign adviser Jim Johnson was jettisoned from the campaign when questionable loans from subprime lender Countrywide were revealed. When asked to tape a closing comment for the show, he simply passed gas and then made a "rim-shot" noise.
Well... the time to reveal our Survivor winner has arrived.
Barack must choose from the two finalists: Hillary Clinton or his wife: Michelle Obama. Earlier, Barack wrote the name of the loser and deposited it in the ballot box. Let's read it now!
And the second-place finisher is... Michelle Obama! Michelle, any final words before you depart? I'll give you some words! I'll give you some damn words, you two-faced... --
And our finalist is... wait just a second... ...there's another vote in the box! It says Barack Obama!
That can't be right!
I'm afraid those are the rules, Barry!
And that -- that means -- Hillary Clinton is our winner!
How the f*** did she do that?
How did I lose? I had this wrapped up!!
Hehehe! I love it when a plan comes together!
Texas-sized tip o' the hat to: Reliapundit.