Thursday, October 01, 2009

Gore's latest invention promises to cork animal toots' greenhouse gases

Australia's The Age reports upon an underrated danger of overfeeding your pets.

"It's... important not to overfeed your pet because it causes flatulence... Giving them the right amount not only saves you from nasty smells but saves the planet by avoiding the release of dangerous greenhouse gases."

This follows reports from the U.K. that members of Parliament have asked the European Commission to examine, "the livestock question in direct connection with global warming":

The official EU declaration demands changes to animals’ diets, to capture gas emissions and recycle manure... They warned: "The livestock sector presents the greatest threat to the planet."

Al Gore's new invention -- the Cow-Cork™ -- promises to help address the problem. The Cow-Cork can absorb an entire day's worth of cow emissions in a compact, cost-effective form-factor.

Not all environmentalists are pleased with Gore's innovation, however. The splinter group called People Against the Sickening Subjugation of Germs, Animals, and Stones (or PASSGAS, for short) are protesting the plan. They claim that the act of capturing and harnessing innocent animals' air biscuits is "a fundamental violation of their rights".

PASS-GAS spokesperson Flower Moonbeam stated that, "these animals don't launch 'trouser trumpets' voluntarily. They may rattle a few windows from time to time and sound a 'cheek flapper' on occasion. But let's be fair. They're not inside the house blasting 'floorboard lifters' or sealing the car windows in pursuit of a 'rolling Dutch Oven' like my older brother used to do.

We therefore believe that humans should buy Cowbung offsets, the livestock equivalent of Carbon Offsets. Animals should break free, like the wind. And people everywhere can help, simply through their purchase of Cowbung offsets, which are on sale now at"

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