Hi, I'm Mayor Michael Bloomberg of New York City. And here's the first chapter of our Official Acceptable Behavior Guide for visitors to the Big Apple!
Crapping on official city vehicles, including police cars? A-okay!
Possessing soft drinks larger than 16 ounces in size? Sorry, you'll have to visit some other city for that!
Stay tuned for our next chapter, where we'll discuss heroin use versus salt consumption.
Hat tip: Aaron.