Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Biff Spackle's Exclusive Election Live-Blog #Election2014

Apologies: after receiving no further updates by 11:19pm, I returned to Blogstation Zero™ to find Spackle passed out with a whiskey bottle in his lap.

10:06pm: NC: Hagan and Tillis neck-and-neck.

10:00pm: Senate balance of power: D-42 vs R-47.

10:00pm: MT: Daines defeats Curtis, another GOP flip.

09:54pm: CO: Cory Gardner beat Mark Udall, another GOP flip.

09:51pm: OT: Iowa closes in 9 minutes.

09:49pm: OT: Back in high school, Megyn Kelly could've had me if she'd played her cards right.

09:48pm: WI: Ryan: "We know we're gonna have a good night... it's not just the incompetence of the Obama administration voters are sick of, it's the incompetence of big government."

09:47pm: WI: Paul Ryan says Scott Walker is "going to win this race."

09:47pm: WI: Walker leads Burke 57-42 with 9% in.

09:45pm: OT: Is there anything better than USAA's commercials?

09:44pm: OT: First Planter's commercial in 83 years leaves Palo Alto man disappointed.

09:41pm: NH: How freaking stupid does someone have to be to vote for Jeanne Shaheen?

09:38pm: NH: Jeanne Shaheen wins seat over Scott Brown, 52-48%.

09:37pm: LA: Senate runoff - Cassidy leads Landrieu 45-41%.

09:36pm: CO: Gardner leads Udall 51-44 (54%).

09:35pm: VA: Gillespie over Warner 952,907 to 929,018 with 84% in.

09:33pm: CO: Gardner over Udall 50-44 with, like, more votes in.

09:33pm: OT: Steve Israel (D-NY) freaking out ("A long night, with potential surprises ahead").

09:32pm: Senate balance of power: D-41 vs R-45.

09:30pm: OT: Polident Micro-Clean formula works in less than 3 minutes.

09:30pm: OT: The entirely new Hyundai Sonata looks cool when filmed in black-and-white on the Bonneville Salt Flats.

09:27pm: OT: INSIDERS: Ally Bank has no branches and great rates.

09:26pm: CO: Gardner over Udall 49 to 45 with, like, some precincts in.

09:25pm: VA: Gillespie over Warner, 49 to 48 with 81% in.

09:21pm: GA: Perdue over Nunn 62 vs. 38 with 36% in.

09:21pm: NH: Brown vs. Shaheen still close to call.

09:14pm: WI: The Spackle Predictive Analytics Decision Desk Calls the Governorship for Scott Walker, 99 to 1.

09:12pm: OT: Karl Rove was talking and talking and talking, but somehow my TV was on "mute".

09:11pm: RI: Vincent vs. Montezuma 33-21 with 19% reporting. Okay, I made that one up.

09:09pm: VA: 51-46 Gillespie vs. Warner with 66% reporting.

09:07pm: NH: Megyn Kelly says that, despite other networks making the call, the Brown vs. Shaheen race is still too close to call.

09:05pm: NC: 50-46 Hagan vs. Tillis, still too close to call.

09:03pm: VA: Ed Gillespie leading Mark Warner 51-46 with 66%.

09:02pm: NY: Andrew "The Architect of Ruin" Cuomo wins reelection as governor.

09:02pm: TX: Abbott crushes Davis for Governor, 58-41 (43% in).

09:01pm: LA: Mary "Landfill" Landrieu vs. Bill Cassidy may go to Dec. 6th primary.

09:01pm: MN: Al "The Loathsome Troll" Franken wins.

09:00pm: TX: Cornyn wins.

09:00pm: SD: Mike Rounds beat Rick Weiland... flips seat to GOP in Senate.

08:46pm: OT: Three Olives Vodka with fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice could very well be the fabled "Nectar of the Gods".

08:37pm: TX: Abbott leads Davis in the race for Governor 59-40 with 38% reporting.

08:35pm: VA: Gillespie over Warner 52-45 with 54% reporting.

08:33pm: Senate balance of power: D-39 vs R-41.

08:30pm: AK: Asa Hutchinson (R) beats Mike Ross (D) for Governor, another flip.

08:30pm: DE: Coons (D-Incumbent) beats his Republican opponent.

08:30pm: AK: Tom Cotton destroys Mark Pryor (incumbent)... another flip.

08:28pm: KY: McConnell: "Secretary Grimes led a 'spirited' campaign." Then he cracked up.

08:27pm: GA: Perdue leads Nunn 60-38 with 9% in.

08:26pm: KY: Mitch McConnell ready to deliver his acceptance speech in Louisville.

08:25pm: RI: Still socialist.

08:23pm: OT: Evan Bayh emerges from under a rock to opine on the political landscape.

08:15pm: NH: Shaheen leads Brown 55-45 with 10% reporting.

08:13pm: LA: Mary Landrieu. Just Mary Landrieu.

08:10pm: OT: Krauthammer with a good observation: once Grimes refused to say she voted for Obama, she struck voters as a politician, not a fresh face.

08:08pm: VA: Gillespie leads Warner 52-46 with 35% reporting.

08:07pm: OT: Juan Williams insists that Democrats could have succeeded by attaching themselves to Obama.

08:06pm: AL,ME: Republican incumbents Jeff Sessions and Susan Collins win.

08:04pm: NC: Hagan over Tillis 49-48 with 15% in.

08:03pm: NH: Guinta over Shea-Porter (D-incumbent) with 10% in.

08:02pm: PA: Tom Wolf (D) unseats Tom Corbett for Governor.

08:01pm: NJ,IL: Booker, Durbin win.

08:01pm: OK: Lankford (R) replaces Coburn.

08:00pm: OK: Inhofe wins.

08:00pm: TN: Lamar Alexander wins.

08:00pm: MS: Thad Cochran wins.

08:00pm: NH: 56-44 Shaheen over Brown with 9% reporting, too close to call.

07:57pm: OT: Tide and Downy together said to give children's clothing a truly deep clean.

07:56pm: SC: Lindsey Graham's opponent's nickname reportedly "Jabba the Hutto."

07:53pm: OT: Fox News ticker misspells "Sheheen", thankfully.

07:52pm: GA: Perdue leads Nunn 58-40 with 2% in.

07:50pm: NC: Tillis leads Hagan 51-45 with 3% in.

07:50pm: OT: Karl "WMD" Rove is saying something, but all I hear is static.

07:49pm: GA: Jimmy Carter's grandson getting smashed in the race for Governor with 2% in.

07:47pm: VA: Gillespie leads Warner 54-44 with 16% in.

07:45pm: FL: Crist leads Scott 46-45 with 50% in.

07:45pm: OT: Anyone have Martha McCallum's number?

07:44pm: NC: Tillis over Hagan 51-45 with 1% in. Too close to call.

07:44pm: GA: Perdue over Nunn 61-37 with 1% in. Still too early to call.

07:43pm: VA: Gillespie over Warner 55-42 with 11% in, still too close to call. Obama robo-calls went out last night.

07:41pm: OT: Doctors have been prescribing Humira for 10 years. Don't start Humira if you have an infection.

07:40pm: OT: Painfully awkward Rob Lowe is creeping me out.

07:39pm: KY: With 34% of precincts reporting, Mitch McConnell still projected to beat Alison Ludergan Grimes.

07:38pm: GA: 60-38 Perdue over Nunn with only 1% in.

07:37pm: VA: Warner's support of Obamacare said to be damaging his chances.

07:36pm: NC: With 3 votes in, Tillis leads Hagan.

07:35pm: OT: Comedienne Kirsten Powers says Democrats should have attached themselves to Obama to win.

07:35pm: SC: Lindsey Graham defeated someone named "Hutto". "Hutto"? Gesundheit.

07:34pm: OT: Does anyone have Megyn Kelly's phone number?

07:34pm: GA: Perdue leads Nunn big, but only 1 percent of precincts are reporting.

07:32pm: OT: Kirsten Powers: "Democrats' understanding of what's going on in the ground may not reflect reality."

07:31pm: OH: Gov. Kasich smashes some guy who used to operate the Zamboni machine in Cleveland, I hear (Zamboni, "Nothing else comes close").

07:30pm: Senate balance of power: D-34 vs R-34.

07:30pm: WV: Shelley Moore Capito smashes Natalie Tennant, first flip of the night.

07:29pm: OT: Xeljanz can stop joint pain. Ask your physician about it.

07:26pm: VT: Vermont still socialist.

07:25pm: NH: Shaheen leads Brown by 8 points with 1 percent of precincts reporting.

07:23pm: OT: Mitt Romney: "Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah."

07:22pm: GA: Perdue leads Nunn by a substantial margin, but less than 1/2 of 1/3 of 1/100th of precincts are reporting.

07:21pm: OT: Mitt Romney: "The American people are passing judgment on President Obama."

07:20pm: VA: Gillespie vs. Warner still too close to call.

07:20pm: KY: With 17% of precincts reporting, Mitch McConnell still projected to beat Alison Ludergan Grimes.

07:18pm: OT: First time I've seen a rifle ad on prime-time TV: HenryRifles.com.

07:17pm: OT: Memo to self: Crest ProHealth Mouthwash said to kill 97% of germs without that Listerine-style burn.

07:16pm: NH: Scott Brown leads Jean Shaheen 60-40, with only 0.00000000000000001% of precincts reporting.

07:14pm: KY: Carl Cameron calls in from McConnell's campaign headquarters; "COME AT ME BRO" sign photobombs report.

07:13pm: SC: Nikkie Haley wins her reelection for Governor over her Democrat opponent.

07:12pm: OT: Did Bob Beckel really just say that this election isn't a referendum on Obama?

07:11pm: FL: Crist leads Scott in the governor race, with 11% in. Which 11%, of course, is the question.

07:10pm: NC, OH, WV: Polls close at 7:30pm.

07:09pm: Does anyone have Dana Perino's phone number?

07:08pm: I love it when Bob Beckel tries to say "cyclical" after tossing a couple back.

07:05pm: OT: VA to treat foreign Ebola patients, moving them to the front of the line.

07:04pm: Senate balance of power: D-34 vs R-33.

07:03pm: SC: Lindsey "Goober" Graham crushes his Democrat challenger; Tim Scott smashes Joyce Dickerson.

07:02pm: VA: Oh, my: Mark Warner and Ed Gillespie too close to call... possibly a very bad sign for the Ebola Democrats. Warner was up by 18 points just two months ago, I hear.

07:01pm: KY: Well, that was a nail-biter. Fox News just called Kentucky for Mitch McConnell.

06:57pm: Not sure if anyone's interested, but apparently there are some elections going on today. My idiotic boss never bothered to tell me. He just said, "Biff, please man Blog Station Zero." What a tool.


Kaptain Krude said...

Just a little correction. Arkansas is not abbreviated as AK, but as AR. AK is Alaska.

TheFineReport.com said...

Job 1: Take back the Senate. Check.

Job 2: Take back the GOP.

Anonymous said...

TheFineReport expresses my feelings succinctly. Oh, and Biff - this veteran had USAA for my two cars. Jacked my rates upon renewal for no reason, not so much as a parking ticket. Also made it a major hassle to cancel. They can shove their phony advertising.