Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts

Friday, October 19, 2007

I'm not sure why I posted this...

 
...but it's just a cool photo. Here's a war hero, World War II Naval Aviator George H. W. Bush, with his son -- George W. Bush.

Let me guess: the lefty bloggers among us will claim that Bush the Younger didn't show up for his third-grade flu shot. So they've got that going for them.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Goodbye, sweet Cox & Forkum, you will be missed!

 
An outstanding pair of editorial cartoonists -- Cox & Forkum -- are calling it quits.

Check out their site -- which will remain open -- and buy their stuff, if for no other reason than nostalgia.

Best of the August and September Posts

 
We'll be revamping the blog's sidebar shortly. In the mean time, here's a quick and illustrated digest of some popular posts (i.e., they received more than twelve hits) from the last couple of months.




Hillary's Own Stain and Body Remover





Read the Disclaimers before Voting



Berger to Host 9/11 Truther Special



Latest Bin Laden Transcript - Illustrated



A free Seattle postcard for you



Hillary Clinton's A-List Donors



Ten worst branding decisions of all-time



Hurricane Paul threatens Hill's campaign



The Adventures of Barack Obama



First annual Celebrity Hostage Draft!


Monday, September 24, 2007

Toys You Had As a Kid That Would Be Outlawed Today

 
Jarts! a.k.a. "Lawn Darts." I'm not sure how many thousands of punctured limbs these things were responsible for, but the class-action lawyers must have cleaned up.

Tonka Dump Trucks: fabricated entirely from Ginsu knives by Tonka. They could slice fingers off if slightly mishandled.

Stretch Armstrong: the kind filled with jelly. If these were sold today, a hypo-allergenic, ADD nutcase would swallow the jelly, get sick, and his parents would sue the Chinese manufacturer. The entire episode would form a 20/20 special hosted by John Stossel; Nancy Grace would devote a week of shows to the injustice.

Bow and arrows: remove the suction-cups from the ends of the arrows and -- whhoooooeeee -- you really could put an eye out; and I'm sure some kids did.

Bangsite!: evil-smelling, granular crap that came in an industrial-strength toothpaste tube -- it may have been calcium carbide. Mixing Bangsite with water made an explosive gas. Some kids had Bangsite cannons, heavy cast iron things that were relatively safe to use. Normal kids took a metal baking soda can and punched a nail hole through the bottom. This turned the can into a three-man, crew-served weapon. One kid tipped some Bangsite into the can, spat on it, jammed the lid on, and placed the can on the edge of the curb. Second kid put his foot on the can to brace it. Third kid applied the match to the nail hole. KAF---INGBOOM!!! -- with a burst of flame, the lid goes flying clear across the street. I still cannot believe that my parents knew I was doing this, and let me.

Airplane and ship models: yep, we spent hours in our rooms with model glue... and our parents didn't care a bit. These days, a SWAT team might get called in.

Flexy Racers: a sled on wheels that was missing only one thing: brakes. These mysteriously disappeared from the market after -- I'm guessing here -- some kid slid into an Interstate and got pancaked by an 18-wheeler.

Wrist Rockets: basically a weapons-grade slingshot that fit around your wrist and used massive rubber tubes as the bands. The ammo was indistinguishable from a heavy ball bearing. Slightly less powerful than a .357 Magnum, and slightly more powerful than a .38.

All-aluminum snow sleds: on a decent hill, you could hit 70 MPH and some kids did, may they rest in peace.

Water-air rockets: I don't remember the brand, but this was a rocket that you filled with water and then pumped full of air. Let's just say that after a couple of hundred concussions and numerous missing teeth, it was removed from the market.

Adapted from a 2004 post

Marcel Marceau died yesterday

 
Marcel Marceau died yesterday in Paris. The internationally renowned mime was 84.

The tragic aspect of the story is that Marceau choked to death in a restaurant. Onlookers, believing they were watching another of his brilliant performances, simply applauded.

Sorry about that last paragraph, folks. Sometimes I have a sick sense of humor.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

When I was a kid, the only thing you could build with Legos...

 
...was a really crappy-looking house. These kids today have no idea how good they've got it! Cell-phones with text-messaging and Internet browsing; high-end, ultra-thin laptops; Halo on X-boxes; and even their Legos are infinitely cooler than the ones we had in the seventies.

Back in the day, the only way to make Legos look like this would have been to use a blow-torch and my little brother's hands to shape the burning plastic.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Unsolicited product endorsement o' the week

 
True confession time. I have always enjoyed working out. Playing basketball, lifting weights, aerobic training and sparring have been staples for over twenty years. With age, of course, comes many compromises. Injuries may limit physical capability, but the desire to push myself has thankfully never dissipated.

The most important part of staying fit, though, is diet. You can work out like Lance Armstrong, but if you eat fifteen Big Macs a day, you'll look and feel like Michael Moore. For over a decade, I've been very careful with my diet (okay, my wife says I'm "nuckin' futs" and that I "have an eating disorder"). Basic rules: no dairy (cheese or otherwise) and no red meat; plenty of salmon, egg whites, veggies and fruit. Okay, maybe I am a little off-kilter. But I feel good, still work out hard, and have a lot of energy for work and hobbies.

Truth be told, it's often difficult to find healthy food while on the go. If a lunch meeting includes pizza or a catered dinner only offers roast beef, I'm out of luck. That's why I've usually kept a stash of power bars (or their equivalents) around - a quick meal that's relatively healthy and won't bust the nutritional balance.

I was at the grocery store a few weeks ago and spotted a new brand of bar. Called Organic Food Bars, they claim to be:

...the only line of organic food bars rich in phyto-nutrient dense sprouts and superfoods in a base of easy digestible, alkaline-forming vegetable protein for muscle and organ building, essential fats to promote a healthy cardiovascular and hormonal system, and complex carbohydrates for long lasting energy - without the 'crash' of most bars high in refined sugars...

All of our ingredients are certified organic, kosher and purchased as fresh as possible since we receive fresh ingredients every month. Unlike most companies we make our own Organic Food Bars "with lots of love" in house. Fresh product made on a weekly basis gives our customers fresh highest quality finished product possible. Our ingredients are mixed, blended, packaged and stored at room temperature to preserve the natural qualities and enzyme activity of the ingredients...

Our Organic Food Bars are sweetened only with whole-food sweeteners, including organic dates, organic raisins, organic honey, and low Glyecemic Index organic agave nectar to keep your blood sugar levels stable... The Organic Food Bars follow the high Austrian Organic Certification Standards. They are the only USDA Certified Organic, non-dairy Certified Kosher, and Certified Vegan bars in the world... [all suppliers] are independently certified organic by both USDA and EU standards in their country of origin...

No soy and no peanuts, for those with allergies; and lots of choices, including a vegan bar. Even a high protein (22g) bar.

So I bought a bunch of different Organic bars and began real-world testing. Review:

Five Almonds: Incredibly f---ing good (substitute the work "freaking" if you're easily offended). Not covered with refined sugar and other unhealthy crap like typical protein bars. Not coated with saturated fat nor slathered with caramel.

If you're looking for a healthy snack or quick meal replacement, I'd highly recommend Organics. Now that they've hit upon a successful formula, my recommendation to Organic is not to f--- it up. Don't slap the label on Snickers-clones like other food makers out there. Don't try to make every food on the planet. Concentrate on real organic food, and you'll have at least one customer for life.

Remember, try Organic. They're f---ing good! Hmmm - I wonder if they're going to steal that phrase as their tag line?

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

What's the greatest country on Earth, Chomsky?

 
Consider these photos, Doctor O'Pennell-Fonda, taken by astronauts on the USS Endeavour.

















Yep, this is Hurricane Dean.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Ten Worst Branding Decisions of All-Time


* Chicken of the Creek-brand Tuna Fish

* Raid! Ant & Roach Jihad

* I Can't Believe It's Not Sausage!

* Food Slug Supermarkets

* Cream of Weasel Breakfast Cereal

* Buckeye Fish Brittle

* Zygotes 'R' Us Fertility Clinics

* Somalia's Finest Anchovies

* Hebrew National Pork Loin

* "National Security" Democrats

Friday, August 24, 2007

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Gaping hole found in Universe

 
Scientists revealed Thursday that a giant hole in the Universe is completely devoid of galaxies, stars, and even dark matter.

The University of Minnesota team said the 'hole' is almost a billion light-years across and there is no explanation for its presence. "Not only has no one ever found a void this big, but we never even expected to find one this size," said Lawrence Rudnick, an astronomy professor.

When asked what the hole would be called, Rudnick suggested "the core beliefs of Hillary Clinton."

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Monday, August 20, 2007

Why Michael Vick didn't take the plea deal

 
Anyone have Jackie Chiles' email address?

Update: Commenter Newman330 provided Chiles' email address, but it's of no use now. Word has it that Vick intends to plea.

Friday, August 17, 2007

So you want to be a pro ballboy?

 
Good news, Kramer: there is no maximum age listed.

Prospective ballkids [Ed: note politically correct alteration of the universal "ballboy" term] should watch this year's workers, especially on Center Court, to see how they react to different score lines.

For example, when the cumulative score of a set is an odd number (1-0, 2-1, 3-0, 4-3, etc.), the tennis balls do not change sides. But when the score is an even number (1-1, 2-0, 3-3, 4-2, etc.), ballkids must roll the tennis balls from one backdrop to the other...

What the... ? I had no idea it was that complicated. Forget it.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

German scientists: 'We have broken speed of light'

 
The Telegraph reports shocking news:

A pair of German physicists claim to have broken the speed of light... According to Einstein's special theory of relativity, it would require an infinite amount of energy to propel an object at more than 186,000 miles per second. However, Dr. Gunter Nimtz and Dr. Alfons Stahlhofen, of the University of Koblenz, say they may have breached a key tenet of that theory.

The pair say that they carefully measured the shifting positions of Democrats -- on various issues such as the war on terror, Iraq, the 'surge', and earmarks -- to reach their conclusions.

"These individuals seem to have espoused diametrically opposed opinions simultaneously, which would be the only violation of special relativity that I know of."

The pair say they have conducted an experiment in which microwave photons - energetic packets of light - travelled "instantaneously" between two prisms that stood a yard apart:

Being able to travel faster than the speed of light would lead to a wide variety of bizarre consequences... For instance, an astronaut moving faster than it would theoretically arrive at a destination before leaving... The scientists were investigating a phenomenon called quantum tunnelling, which allows sub-atomic particles and John Kerry to break apparently unbreakable laws.

Dr Nimtz told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of, other than the Democrats' rapidly shifting positions."

Theresa Heinz Kerry was unavailable for comment.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Duct Tape Bandit Robs Liquor Store

 
WSAZ (Huntington, WV) has exclusive details of a shocking robbery:

Robbery is a serious problem for retail stores across our region. But the employees of Shamrock Liquors in Ashland, Kentucky, can't stop laughing about what happened last Friday at the store along 13th street.

Police say Kasey Kazee walked in to the store with duct tape wrapped around his head to conceal his face.

Fortunately, store manager Bill Steele had some duct tape of his own. Steel had a wooden club wrapped with duct tape that eventually sent the suspect fleeing the store.

Store employee Craig Miller says he chased Kazee to the parking lot, tackled him and held him in a choke positiion until police arrived. An unidentified customer also helped.

Kazee said in a jailhouse interview today police got the wrong man and Kazee says he has no memory of going in to the liquor store.

He also says he has no memory of police removing the duct tape.

We asked Kazee how he could deny being the duct tape bandit even though police have photos showing Kazee with the duct tape on and then a photo where Kazee's face is revealed.

Kazee looked straight at the camera and said, "Do I look like the duct tape bandit to you?"

Miller says Kazee also had a t-shirt pulled up around his head during the robbery attempt.

Miller says it reminded him of the "Cornholio" character from the "Beavis and Butthead" cartoon.

Steele says Kazee did get away with two rolls of change before Steele could grab his club. Police found much of that change in the parking lot.

Kazee also mentioned that he voted for John Kerry in 2004 and Al Gore in 2000.