Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Vermont Hooters Loses Liquor License for Holding Bikini Contest

 
I'm not making this up. Business has been slower than usual at this Vermont Hooter's ever since the Department of Liquor Control suspended its liquor license more than a week ago for actions during a bikini contest last May...

"Vanessa Lamar, who was in the contest, and is working this Sunday, one of the busiest days of the year at Hooter's, says so far, the suspension hasn't affected her tips."

Heh.

Super-caffeinated coffee unveiled in Chicago

 
The Suburban Chicago News describes the effects of "hyper-caffeinated" Shock coffee on consumers.

"I can taste the difference," McBride said as he sipped the high-octane fuel on a subzero day. "It's pretty strong. I figured today I'll give it a shot and see what happens..."

"It gets me going in the morning," Joliet Speedway manager Rich Hale said of Shock Wave. "It has a good taste. It's not real strong."

"That will wake you up," she said as she offered a sample to a groggy reporter.

Putting Barack Obama, John McCain or Hillary Clinton -- but I repeat myself -- in the White House would also tend to have this effect.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

This climate-change situation is getting out of control

 
I spotted this "urgent winter weather" alert this morning. Al Gore is right - this climate-change thing is getting out of hand.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

When cigarette ads were legal

 
You may remember this dude, wearing the world's largest collar, from the movie Boogie Nights.

Flammable face paint and a stray ash spelled a quick demise for Camel's "Smoking Clown" campaign.

Nothing says "celebrity endorsement" like Don Carter and his wife stroking the ol' lane blaster while puffing on Viceroys.

Mmmm. Low tar? That sounds delicious!

Let me see if I understand: I'm supposed to grab a dancing cylinder -- that's singing "Taste Me!" -- and stick it in my mouth? Riiiiiiiiight.

Mildness. Just what I think of when I see a hatchet-faced Lee Marvin stand-in who looks to be packing heat.

Sheriff Carl McCoy holds down a man's job. That's why he shoves cigarettes into his ammo belt instead of bullets.

If I remember correctly, Accuray sold radioactive sensing devices used to ensure product consistency. Remember, consumers, radiation and nicotine make for an addictively glowing experience!

A beautiful babe, a tiger, and a shotgun. Time to fire up a Parliament and ignite a massive brushfire.

* * *

I had to modify at least one of these things.

Hat tip: AdClassix

Good day?

 
Email from an unnamed guy named Chris.

When you walk out the door in the morning and see this in the sky...

Just go back in the house, pour another cup of coffee, and stay there. It probably isn't going to be a good day.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Exclusive close-ups: Bigfoot on Mars

 
The Telegraph (UK) reports that an eerie figure was spotted by the Mars explorer in 2004.


The shadowy image appears to resemble old photographs of "Bigfoot" (otherwise known as "Sasquatch" [Canada], "Yeti" [Tibet] and "Michael Moore" [Hollywood]).

The photograph, taken in 2004 by the Mars explorer Spirit, appears to show a human shaped object that looks startingly like previous photographs purporting to have captured Bigfoot.

Careful photographic analysis by our star cub reporter Biff Spackle reveals quite a surprise.

Oh, those crazy, whacky Clintons! They really know how to get free PR!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Chlorinating the (Gene) Pool

 
The slogan of the Darwin Awards is Chlorinating the Gene Pool. These dudes took that saying to the next level.

Say you wanted to grill on an electric Hibachi while still enjoying your giant inflatable pool. I don't know about you, but the first thing I'd think of is: let's stick a card table in the middle of the pool, put a grill on it, and then float a power-strip on a pair of flip-flops to make sure the power can reach the grill.

I'm just sayin': that's what I'd think of.

Hat tip: Sean

Friday, January 11, 2008

You know what bugs the hell out of me?

 
Those freaking Yellowbook.com ads with David Carradine.

Let me guess. Some old-school, telephone company marketing boss thinks that advertising his search engine on TV is pure genius. So he's decided to burn millions of dollars to drive people to an... online version of the yellow pages. As opposed to, say, hiring the best damn software developers on the planet and creating a beautiful, innovative user experience.

I tried to use Yellowbook.com once and it to say it sucked is a little like saying Mount Rushmore is a cleverly shaped rock.

I wonder how much Google advertises on television, Mr. Marketing Genius?

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Sure signs we're living in 2008

 
Cub Reporter and full-time email screener Biff Spackle approved this email to go "on to Hollywood, baby!"

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 16 phone numbers to reach your family of four.

4. You email the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that you don't have their email addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial and most shows on television have web sites at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cellphone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for a panic attack... and you turn around instantly to retrieve it.

10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

12. You're reading this and nodding.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You were too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Ouch!

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Don't hate the playa. Hate the game, baby!

 
Over the holidays I dropped our family's old cellphone service and signed a new contract with T-Mobile. The fam had been complaining about coverage in our local area and with one off at college -- who was complaining, too -- it was time to switch. I visited several nearby phone stores including Verizon and T-Mobile.

T-Mo had a plan for four lines, 2000 minutes, unlimited text messaging, and unlimited Internet for my phone for about $150 (before taxes). The equivalent plan from Verizon was quoted at around $220. Seriously. Roughly a 50% premium for -- drum roll, please -- "the network." And with a previous, painful Verizon experience still stuck in my craw, I decided to punt on VZ and try T-Mo.

My kids picked out a couple of cool phones (the collegiate selected a Motorola W490 and the high-schooler chose a Nokia 5300. They both picked out a pink Moto RAZR for my wife (color appeared to be more important for all of them than functionality).

I selected a Blackberry 8320, upgrading from an 8700 and a prior 7290.

Couple of things I'll mention. First of all, T-Mo's customer service has been stellar thus far -- in stark contrast to prior cellphone providers. I can get a human on the line in seconds and, shockingly, it's a knowledgeable human. Chalk one up for T-Mo.

Second, prepare to spring for a MicroSD card for each phone that needs to play music. A MicroSD is similar to the SD card you use in a digital camera, but much smaller and usually cheaper as well. I ordered several 2GB models for $19 apiece from Amazon.

Regarding the Blackberry: if you liked the 8700 model, you'll love the 8320. Granted, the network is still the mediocre 2G EDGE, capable of maybe 150Kbps on a good day. However, there's a bonus feature that the other carriers seem to have disabled or ignored: 802.11 wi-fi connectivity. And, unlike the iPhone, you can actually use the wi-fi for voice (though T-Mo dings you for the minutes connected using UMA unless you have an unlimited UMA plan for $19.95 a month).

I didn't spring for UMA, but the wi-fi comes in real handy for surfing the 'net. Many of the buildings that have a steel roof or other barriers to good cell coverage also happen to have free wireless hotspots (like my health club, for instance). So I get blazing data speeds -- far better than the 300Kbps that I typically get on my Verizon EV-DO aircard, for instance. Yes, I know Verizon says that EV-DO Rev. A will do "speed bursts of up to 2.0Mbps." After numerous speed checks using several performance testing sites, I can safely report I've never seen faster than 330Kbps.

The only major hassle with the 8320: RIM didn't bother to include a holster with it. What crackhead in Marketing came up with that brilliant decision? I've never seen a Blackberry that didn't arrive with a useful holster... until now. So be prepared to fumble around with your device until buy one.

Here's the only troubleshooting I did. I happened to install Google Mobile Maps (only about three trillion times better than any freaking service provided by anyone else). After the installation, it asked if I would allow the connection to google.com. My finger slipped and I accidentally hit "Deny" rather than "Allow."

Trouble. Real trouble. Every time I clicked on Google Maps, nothing happened. No error message, no prompt, nothing. I uninstalled, rebooted the device, reinstalled, changed application permissions to allow everything, you name it. After plenty of web surfing, I finally discovered the solution to the problem. Basically, you need to reset your firewall prompts. Anytime those prompts come up when you load a new application always be careful to allow the connection, otherwise the app won't work. Ever again.

So for those Google surfers who are looking for a solution (one which I found extremely difficult to find), here are the directions:

* Options >> Advanced Options >> Applications >> highlight Google Maps, hit menu, select Edit Permissions >> hit menu again, select "Reset Firewall Prompts"

* Do a hard reboot (pull the battery after shutting down, then re-insert after 15 seconds)

Now run Google Maps again and select allow access -- carefully, this time! Special thanks to John Clark of Blackberry Forums for this solution, by the way. Just a note for RIM, this appears to be a relatively serious bug in the Blackberry firmware: when you uninstall an application, all of its permissions should be removed as well.

As an aside, Google Maps is about the coolest freaking cellphone app you can imagine. Not only can you get satellite views, real-time traffic illustrations, and turn-by-turn directions, GOOG recently added "My Location." Even though the carriers have disabled GPS on most of their phones (they want to charge you a monthly fee for the service), Google uses your cell tower locations to estimate your location. Yes. It's just that cool.

Blackberry 8320 Review: after a couple of weeks with the 8320, I've got to give it two thumbs up. It's a jewel. So don't hate the playa, baby! Hate the game!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Email received by our screener

 
Enterprising Cub Reporter Biff Spackle screened this email and gave it a thumbs-up.

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't! The oldest one's nine and the other one's seven! Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind? Or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just find it difficult to believe that someone engaged in carnal relations with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Nine Inches of Global Warming

 
In the brutal, snowy commute to work this morning, I passed a car that was struggling along in the slow lane. It was a sight I'd never seen before, over many years of harsh winter driving.

It was a new Maserati Quattroporte (MSRP approximately $120,000.00) slogging along on an slick, unplowed Interstate.

Here's my guess: this dude is a believer in global warming and, rather than buying a second vehicle (say, a Jeep Wrangler), he decided to buy carbon offsets instead.

Suggested reading: U.S. Senate Report: Over 400 Prominent Scientists Disputed Man-Made Global Warming Claims in 2007 - Senate Report Debunks "Consensus"

Friday, December 28, 2007

Terrifying new video from previously unknown terror group

 
I've captured some shots from an ominous video distributed by a previously unknown group (Liberation Army Against Freedom).



















Uhm, as you can probably tell, this isn't a terror group's video. It's a Dutch government fireworks safety clip that has generated a fair amount of buzz (and controversy). My personal take is that it's a brilliant piece of work. Be sure to visit the "official" website of the Liberation Army.

Linked by Dr. Sanity's Carnival of the Insanities - thanks!
Hat tips: Baron Bodissey and Larwyn
.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

New sign on the Tiger exhibit at the Las Vegas Zoo

 
News reports indicate that visitors may have been taunting or teasing the tigers prior to an attack that resulted in one death and multiple maulings at the Las Vegas Zoo.

I propose a new sign at the exhibit.

Update: Dan Riehl has a picture of an actual sign, carried by a clueless animal rights activist.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Beerfest: what the realtor emailed me

 .
A single guy lived in this townhouse in Ogden, Utah for eight years. The landlord thought he was the best renter because he never called or complained and was never late on a payment.






These pictures don't even come close to what it really looked like. The realtor had already moved some of the cans out, and they had caved in the tunnels that the renter had made to get to the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen.

All this, yet you don't see any dust or scattered clothes or dirty dishes anywhere.

Other than having a minor drinking problem, he was basically a very clean, organized person. Add to this, he was concerned about his health, proved by the fact that he drank a "Light" beer.

Looks like a health freak to me.

Snopes has the details:

The 8-year resident of the building was apparently exceedingly fond of Coors Light beer, drinking a couple of dozen cans a day, every day, for the length of his residence, saving all the empties as well as the cartons they came in... The townhouse was found to contain an estimated 70,000 empty beer cans which reportedly fetched a total of $800 when they were delivered to a recycler.

The math works out. 365 * 24 * 8 = 70,080.