Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Joke o' the Day: The Amish Farmer


Tom sends us today's winner.

Subject: Amish Farmer

An Amish farmer walking, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."

Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have pooped in it."

The man shouts back: "I'm from Chicago and just down here campaigning for Obama, I can't understand you. Please speak in English."

The Amish man says: "Use two hands, you'll get more."

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Chris Matthews gains obscure, 8th-tier blog a "Top 15" Award


Pookie -- who does a masterful job editing content for the Wide Awakes, GOPachy and Qube TV (among others) -- notifies us that a recent cartoon won a top 15 award for the month.

It's actually pretty hard to win a monthly award as there are usually over 1,100 political cartoons posted per month... and the competition includes true geniuses like Ramirez, Trever and Asmussen.

I added the ribbon to the winning cartoon. Thanks, Pookie, for the award and the heads up!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Quite possibly the best cartoon of all time



Hat tip: Sean E.

Need a cool watch?


I don't know which watches are supposed to be cool, but I received an email from Bell & Ross (no relation) announcing their new "Gold Collection."

I think it looks slicker than a greased pig.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Product innovation o' the day: Yum Feedbags


"Something that we heard over and over again was ... we love your food, but wish it wasn't so much to work to eat it. So that's why we came up with the feedbag, it's hot steamy food in your face right now."

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Deposition o' the Year Award Winner


We've got a winna! (Click to zoom)


This is Ms. Bossie:

In light of the deposition, my favorite phrases on Melanie Bossie's page (from the Wilkes & McHugh website) are:

Practicing Law With a Passion... ...read more about Wilkes & McHugh, P.A.'s nursing home abuse attorneys being named to the "Plaintiffs' Hot List.".

Junior Cub Reporter Biff Spackle was unable to secure photos of the deposition, though heaven knows he tried.

Hat tip: Ben

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

The moment before the pain begins


I received this email from several well-wishers today, so here are the best photos that do not infringe upon the AP's precious copyrights.










Hat tips: Sean E. and Papa B.

Headline o' the day


We've got a winner: I’d Like To Report To Prison, But I Died:

[Hedge fund manager Sam Israel III failed] to appear at the prison where he is expected to serve time on Monday, ABC News reports that despite the message "Suicide is Painless" found scrawled in dust on the hood of Israel's car, it was believed that he is indeed still alive. (He abandoned the car near the Bear Mountain Bridge, in upstate New York, hoping that police would assume he had jumped to his death.) That same day, according to CNN, Israel's girlfriend Debra Ryan was arrested and admitted to helping him load up his possessions, as well as a motor scooter, into an RV.

Israel was convicted of stealing $450 million that belonged to the investors in a Bayou Management hedge fund...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Rockwell predicted Obama




Idea ripped from: Vanderleun.

Top 10 Barack Obama smears you might not have heard before


The Obama campaign has established a web site that attempts to address the smears and urban myths surrounding his upbringing and candidacy. The following list of lesser-known rumors may yet cause Obama's campaign some anguish and hand-wringing.

SMEAR #10. Barack Obama spelled backwards in Urdu yields the phrase "Janet Reno."
TRUTH: It spells "Party Time".

SMEAR #9. At a child's birthday party, Obama beat Barney senseless with a two-by-four and a chain.
TRUTH: Barney had asked Obama to stop smoking at which point the candidate gently escorted the dinosaur out of the room. Any injuries Barney may have sustained were due solely to "falling down the stairs."

SMEAR #8. While growing up in Indonesia, Obama studied to be a professional snakehandler.
TRUTH: Obama studied witchcraft.

SMEAR #7. In 1993, he and spiritual adviser Father Pfleger saw God after doing shots of Windex.
TRUTH: Neither he or Father Pfleger saw God after drinking Windex.

SMEAR #6. Obama killed a man in Reno "just to watch him die."
TRUTH: It was just a hitchhiker who jumped in front of Obama's SUV while he was driving on the berm. And it was in Toledo, not Reno.

SMEAR #5. Obama cheated William Ayers out of $25,000 during a game of Yahtzee.
TRUTH: It was only $5,000 and the game was "Connect:Four".

SMEAR #4. When asked for a campaign donation by Obama, the Dalai Lama responded that he could not contribute money, but "when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness."
TRUTH: Obama has never met the Dalai Lama, but once met Richard Gere during a fundraiser for destitute gigolos.

SMEAR #3. Jeremiah Wright, the candidate's controversial pastor, once belonged to The David Duke Book Club.
TRUTH: Wright's check to the club bounced, and therefore he was never a member.

SMEAR #2. Barack Obama still believes in Eliot Spitzer's innocence.
TRUTH: Obama simply does not believe engaging a prostitute is cheating so long as "you don't look her in the eye."

SMEAR #1. If elected President, Obama promised his supporters he will add Che Guevera to Mount Rushmore.
TRUTH: Obama will add Lenin.

Linked by: American Digest. Thanks!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

What to wear when the wife has chores for you


Hat tip: Bern

The Water Bridge


This is a channel-bridge over the River Elbe and joins the former East and West Germany, as part of the unification project. It is located in the city of Magdeburg, near Berlin. The photo was taken on the day of inauguration.

Six years, 500 million euros, 918 meters long... quite a feat of engineering.

In 2003, Deutsche Welle described the opening of the €500 million water bridge.

Engineers first dreamt of joining the two waterways as far back as 1919. Construction to bridge the Elbe river near Magdeburg actually started in the 1930s, but progress was halted during the Second World War in 1942. After the Cold War split Germany the project was shelved indefinitely, but things were put back on track following reunification in 1990.

Taking six years to build and costing around half a billion euros, the massive undertaking will connect Berlin’s inland harbor with the ports along the Rhine river. At the center of the project is Europe’s longest water bridge measuring in just shy of a kilometer at 918 meters. The huge tub to transport ships over the Elbe took 24,000 metric tons of steel and 68,000 cubic meters of concrete to build.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Next Survivor Series


Wifey dear sends along this missive.

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
;
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair b y 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size, and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

All husbands in my area were unavailable for comment at press time.

Image hat tip: Mamapalooza

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The face of Caesar


The London Times.

The world has been introduced to the true face of Julius Caesar with the discovery in a river in southern France of a bust that was sculpted in the lifetime of the Roman leader... The marble sculpture, found in the bed of the Rhône in the town of Arles, has been authenticated as a realistic likeness of Caesar, wrinkled and balding in his fifties and probably modelled from life.

“It is the only known bust of the living Caesar, except for the Mask of Turin, which was made just before or after his death, said Luc Long, the Ministry of Culture archaeologist who found it along with other treasures last autumn. “Even in Rome, no one has found a portrait of the living Caesar,” he added.

The bust, which has a broken nose, dates from between 49 and 46BC, the period when Caesar founded the Roman colony of Arles, to thank the town for helping him to conquer the nearby port of Marseille. Caesar used Arles as a base for his campaign against Pompey, his rival...

Photo: Culture Ministry of France, C. Chary.

Vatican astronomer: extraterrestrial brothers possible


Can extraterrestrial aliens and Catholicism coexist?

The Vatican's chief astronomer says there is no conflict between believing in God and in the possibility of extraterrestrial "brothers" perhaps more evolved than humans.

"In my opinion this possibility exists," said the Reverend José Gabriel Funes, head of the Vatican Observatory and a scientific adviser to Pope Benedict XVI, referring to life on other planets.

"How can we exclude that life has developed elsewhere," he said in an interview with the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, published in its Tuesday-Wednesday edition. The large number of galaxies with their own planets makes this possible, he noted.

I sense problems at the Vatican.

It's just a hunch.

Image credits: Tony Gentile/Reuters and Shalashaska77

Sunday, May 11, 2008

West Virginia Pride


Papa B sends along another great photoscape.

West Virginia --- Our Home!

Because of our mountains, we have rivers. The oldest river in the Western Hemisphere, the New River (quite appropriately named, don't you think) ends in West Virginia. We have the Gauley River, which confluence's with the New River in a magnificent cascade to form the Kanawha River, which in turn flows through the center of the State, and directly through the capital city of Charleston, the largest city in West Virginia.

These rivers in addition to the Cheat, Blackwater, Tygart, Monongahela, Ohio and countless others offer tremendous recreational opportunities.

The tallest building in Charleston is barely 25 floors tall! ,which, if you think about it, is a plus; how could you possibly build a skyscraper more beautiful than a mountain?

The capital city stretches throughout the long river valley encompassing both hill and dale.

The Charleston airport, the largest in the State, sits on top of a mountain. The crime rate in Charleston, including the entire population of the Kanawha Valley (around 200,000), reflects that of the entire State, the lowest in America. No more than a handful of murders are committed each year.

Charleston has no subway systems, but, truth be known, you can get from one end of town to the other, even in rush hour traffic, in less than ten minutes.

There are three major interstate systems going through Charleston, the smallest city in America to make such a claim.

The entire State has six different interstate systems, meaning, from Charleston, you can reach Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, Louisville or Charlotte in four hours or less.... Ah, but once you leave the interstates, the drive becomes a thing of wonder. Two lane roads, winding up and down the mountains, offer amazing views and historic places, small towns, poor in wealth but rich in history.

West Virginia is the birthplace of Mother's Day, in Grafton; and Father's Day, in Fairmont.

We have the oldest covered bridge still in use. We have walnut festivals. strawberry festivals, apple festivals and pumpkin festivals and buckwheat festivals, and arts and crafts fairs and stern wheel regattas and ramp dinners.

We have Bridge Day, on the New River Gorge Bridge over 800 feet above the New River; the only standing structure in the United States that, one day a year, allows parachuting and bungee jumping.

We have college basketball, and minor league baseball and hockey, and, just like all of America, Friday night high school football.

We have white water rafting, and skiing, and hiking, and caves, and waterfalls, and camping in every direction. We have Sundays where a leisurely drive in the car can take eight hours, and only cover 100 miles.

We have bed and breakfasts, and resorts, and golf courses, and museums, and the Greenbrier Hotel. West Virginia has more natural beauty and wonder than any person could ever imagine.

We have all of this, and yet .... our greatest asset is our people. West Virginians are good people. We care about each other. We talk to our neighbors over the backyard fence. We grow tomatoes for the entire neighborhood. We turn around in each other's driveways, and yell 'howdy' when we do. We sit on the porch on warm summer evenings, listening to
crickets, and watching kids catch fireflies.

We loan a hammer, or a cup of sugar. We don't take two-hour lunches, but we do spend a few minutes each day with a cup of coffee, and our feet upon our desk, shooting the breeze.

We rarely get in a hurry. We have relatives just down the street. We don't just loan someone a socket wrench, we help them fix their car. We share recipes, and gardening tips, and our last cup of coffee. We baby-sit each other's kids, we housesit each other's dogs while we're on vacation, and we loan each other our c ars if we have to get to the drugstore. We ask each other if we need anything as we're going to the
market.

We celebrate each others accomplishments, and we cry over each other's disappointments.

We are a friendly folk. We are West Virginians. Mountaineers are always free! Free to take the time to enjoy life,and hold each moment in our hearts, forever.

Text also seen at: New River Friends.