The skywalk at the Grand Canyon...


This amusement park in Las Vegas...





This tennis court in Dubai...




These look slicker than a pig coated with Wesson oil.Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science
The new element, *Governmentium (Gv)* has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are *held together by forces called morons*, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each *reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.*
This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as *critical mor ass*.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes *Administratium*, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
That is, if you're at all interested in bringing perfection to the crudely conceived idea of a transmission that would not only supply inverse reactive current for use in unilateral phase detractors, but would also be capable of automatically synchronizing cardinal gram meters. Such an instrument is the turbo encabulator.Why some men have dogs and not wives
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
• Rochelle Riley of The Detroit Free Press says that Democrats should push for Bush's impeachment now -- for the economy's sake. In unrelated news, the Union of Unhinged Leftie Journalists announced its op-ed winner for 2008.
Six Degrees of Hitler
Here is the task set before you:
1) Go to Wikipedia.
2) Click any random link on there.
3) You have five clicks to reach Hitler's article.
GO!
UPDATE: Forgot to mention varying levels of difficulty.
Easy Mode: Any links
Nightmare Mode: No Country Links
Hell Mode: No Country or Date links.
At that time the Reds were the dominant team, as powerful as any club that ever donned uniforms. The Big Red Machine, as they were known, won a couple of World Championships in a row including a sweep of Billy Martin's Yankees in '76. The '75 team had a streak where they went 41 and 9, which could be the best 50 game record in history.
My brother and I were paper boys at the time and and we took the 30 or 40 bucks we'd saved up to find some gems. Because the good cards were too expensive for us -- even then a nice Mantle card probably cost a hundred bucks -- we'd find other stuff to buy.








My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds..'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started.
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started.
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
On 9/12/2001 if someone had told you that by the end of 2008:On Friday, May 16 2008, a brand spanking new Airbus 340-600, one of the largest passenger airplanes ever built at the time, sat in its hangar in Toulouse, France without a single hour of airtime.Enter the flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies (ADAT) to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such as engine runups, prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi.
The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area. Then they took all 4 engines to takeoff power with a virtually empty aircraft. Not having read the run-up manuals, they had no clue just how light an empty A340-600 really is. The takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit because they had all 4 engines at full power.
The aircraft computers thought they were trying to takeoff but the aircraft had not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc.). Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm. This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air. The computers automatically released all the Brakes and set the aircraft rocketing forward. The ADAT crew had no idea that this is a safety feature so that pilots can't land with the brakes on.
Not one member of the seven-man Arab crew was smart enough to throttle back the engines from their max power setting, so the $200 million brand-new Aircraft crashed into a blast barrier, totaling it.
...Hailey officer Shelly Pharis wrote in a probable cause affidavit that when she arrived at the bar she found Brutsche-Ely, completely unclothed, outside and in front of the nightclub yelling at Mint security personnel and patrons who had followed the fracas outside.Brutsche-Ely was charged with four crimes for things she allegedly did in or outside of the Mint. The misdemeanor indecent exposure charge alleges that Brutsche-Ely illegally exposed her private parts in public, while the misdemeanor battery charge alleges that she kicked Mint security man Mike Kimball in the groin.
...Pharis, with the assistance of other officers, was able to transport Brutsche-Ely to jail, where four other crimes allegedly occurred. While in a holding cell, Brutsche-Ely allegedly broke a sprinkler head by striking it with a folded blanket, flooding the cell and causing more than $1,500 in damage.
She also allegedly battered jailer Laura Bowling by "slapping the victim's face and grabbing and pulling her hair." She also allegedly battered Sgt. Curtis Miller.
"We were still trying to control the female when I felt pain in my left shoulder," Miller wrote in a probable cause affidavit. "I looked and observed the woman biting me...
A painted ceiling in a smokers lounge...
...and a painted floor in the bathroom of a tenth-floor apartment.