Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I created a new sidebar illustration for Gateway Pundit


His last one seemed (to me, at least) to be getting a bit long in tooth.

Too harsh?

If anyone wants their own Photoshopped blog illustration, just let me know. My rates are cheap and my politics are centrist.

Obama administration rolls out official mascot of stimulus package




Idea: Ms. Underestimated. Linked by: Jawa Report. Thanks!

Wife's Night Out


Dave W. sent this one in.

Your wife decides to go out with her

friends drinking and dancing....

You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports and play on the
Internet all night...

You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh knowing she's going to
have a monster hangover....

You wake up the next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used
last night....

You sigh in relief because it's all in one

piece....

You circle the car looking for dents and find none....

But .... Wait...

Wait just a damn minute...


Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Pic o' the day: Religion


Via Ed Driscoll.

Texas Rainmaker

Has anyone seen the Speaker? She left this under the desk.


Buddy sent this one in.



Main Entry: ox·y·mo·ron

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s):

plural ox·y·mo·rons also ox·y·mo·ra \-mȯr-ə\

Late Greek oxymōron, from neuter of oxymōros pointedly foolish,

from Greek oxys sharp, keen + mōros foolish

: a combination of contradictory or incongruous words (e.g., Democratic stimulus);

: something (as a concept) that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements


— ox·y·mo·ron·ic \-mə-ˈrä-nik, -mȯ-\ adjective Etymology:

: One who continuously touts contradictory or incongruous words or actions.


The”tiny” trillion-dollar Turbaconducken you don’t care about

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Yowza! Danica Patrick graces SI's swimsuit edition


Pretty tame photos, even by SI's standards.


Jalopnik.

Two Wolves Philosophy


Contrairimairi sent this one in.


Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Navy releases Gitmo prisoner


Dave W. sent this one in with a hat tip to Ted Kennedy.

With plans to shutter Gitmo, the U.S. Navy has announced its new "catch-and-release" program for terrorists captured on the battlefield.

Yesterday, Navy officials announced that -- consistent with President Obama's directives -- it has released a senior Al Qaeda Terrorist after questioning him extensively for 27 days while being held prisoner aboard a U.S. aircraft carrier in the Arabian Sea.

As a humanitarian gesture, the terrorist was given $50 US and a White 1962 Ford Fairlane automobile upon being released from Custody.

The attached photo shows the terrorist on his way home moments after being released by the Navy.


Linked by: Bob McCarty. Thanks!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Finally: a practical plan for the Gitmo terrorists


This Obama guy was deadly serious about change!

Kurtis the Stockboy and Brenda the Checkout Girl


Amy sent this one in.

Here's the Story: In a supermarket, Kurtis the stock boy, was busily working when a new voice came over asking for a carry out at check register 4. Kurtis was almost finished, and wanted to get some fresh air, and decided to answer the call. As he approached the check-out stand a distant smile caught his eye, the new check out girl was beautiful. She was an older woman (maybe 26, and he was only 22) and he fell in love.

Later that day, after his shift was over, he waited by the punch clock to find out her name. She came into the break room, smiled softly at him, took her card and punched out, then left. He looked at her card, BRENDA. He walked out only to see her start walking up the road.

Next day, he waited outside as she left the supermarket, and offered her a ride home. He looked harmless enough, and she accepted. When he dropped her off, he asked if maybe he could see her again, outside of work. She simply said it wasn't possible. He pressed and and she explained she had two children and she couldn't afford a baby-sitter, so he offered to pay for the baby-sitter. Reluctantly she accepted his offer for a date for the following Saturday.

That Saturday night he arrived at her door only to have her tell him that she was unable to go with him. The baby-sitter had called and canceled. To which Kurtis simply said, "Well, lets take the kids with us." She tried to explain that taking the children was not an option, but again not taking no for an answer, he pressed. Finally Brenda, brought him inside to meet her children. She had a older daughter who was just as cute as a bug, Kurtis thought, then Brenda brought out her son, in a wheelchair.

He was born a paraplegic with down syndrome. Kurtis asked Brenda, "I still don't understand why the kids can't come with us?" Brenda was amazed. Most men would run away from a woman with two kids, especially if one had disabilities. Just like her first husband and father of her children did.

That evening Kurtis and Brenda loaded up the kids, went to dinner and the movies. When her son needed anything Kurtis would take care of him. When he needed to use the rest room, he picked him up out of his chair, took him, brought him back. The kids loved Kurtis. At the end of the evening, Brenda knew this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with. A year later, they were married and Kurtis adopted both of her children . Since then they have added two more kids.

So what happened to the stock boy and check out girl? Well, Mr. & Mrs. Kurt Warner, now live in St. Louis, where he is employed by the St. Louis Rams and plays quarterback.

Touching story.

And what's crazy is that the real scoop, at least according to Snopes, is even more surprising.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Men are just happier people


Papa B sent this one in.

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 336. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Exclusive look at the rear of Mount Rushmore


Dave W. sent this one in.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Early nominees for the 2009 Contractor Awards


Given the overwhelming popularity (well over three page-views) of our 2008 Contractor Awards, Governor Rod Blagojevich and I are pleased to announce our early nominees for the 2009 ceremony.

A nominee for Nick Nolte memorial faucet and sink design.

A nomination for best ad hoc ladder implementation.

A nominee for best low-cost pickup truck.

Nomination for Best Multicultural Toy.

Probably winner for Best Playground Design.

Related: 2008 Contractor Awards.
January 2009 Nominees
February 2009 Nominees
March 2009 Nominees
June 2009 Nominees

Hat tip: FailBlog.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

History 101 (Crash course)


Papa B sent this one in.

For those that don't know about history... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the division of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals have always been represented by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher bat as well as through.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

I checked Snopes and it appears to be legit.

What brought down the plane in the Hudson River?


I received this from multiple tippity-top secret sources.

I checked with Snopes and it came up as legit.