Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Forget the Wendy's Triple...


...I'll have the DozenBurger.



Friday, September 11, 2009

World's oldest person dies at 115; ate steady diet of... bacon


Reliapundit alerts us to breaking news:

Gertrude Baines, who lived to be the world's oldest person on a steady diet of crispy bacon, fried chicken and ice cream, died Friday at a nursing home. She was 115. Baines, who remarked last year that she enjoyed life so much she wouldn't mind living another 100 years, died in her sleep, said Emma Camanag, administrator at Western Convalescent Hospital.

The centenarian likely suffered a heart attack, said her longtime physician, Dr. Charles Witt. An autopsy was scheduled to determine the cause of death.

...Staff at Baines' nursing home described her as a modest woman who liked to watch the "Jerry Springer Show" and eat fried chicken, bacon and ice cream. She refused to use dentures.

"I don't know how she does it. She only has her gums, no teeth," said Susie Exconde, the nursing director who found Baines dead in her bed at about 7:25 a.m...

Mmm......... bacon.



Linked by: Dave Weinbaum. Thanks!

Monday, September 07, 2009

Flowchart to determine what will happen at your Labor Day barbecue




Spotted at: The Hostages.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Why It's Great To Be a Guy


• Phone conversations last 30 seconds
• You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
• A five day vacation requires only one suitcase

• Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
• You can open all your own jars
• Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight

• When clicking through the channels you don't have to stop on every channel where someone is crying
• People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them
• You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go

• You can go to the bathroom alone
• Your last name stays put
• You can leave a hotel room bed unmade

• You can kill your own food
• You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
• The garage is all yours

• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
• You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment"
• You never have to clean the toilet

• You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
• Wedding plans take care of themselves
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend

• Your underwear costs $7.50 for a 3-pack
• None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades

• You don't have to shave below your neck
• You can do your nails with a pocketknife
• You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night

• If you're 34 and single, no one notices
• Chocolate is just another snack
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat

• You never have to worry about other people's feelings
• Three pair of shoes are more than enough
• You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood

• You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
• Car mechanics tell you the truth
• You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut

• You can watch a game in silence for hours without worrying if your friend secretly hates you
• One mood, all the time
• You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him

• Gray hair and wrinkles add character
• Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks
• You don't care if someone is talking behind your back

• You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else
• Foreplay is optional
• If you retain water, it is in a canteen

• The remote is yours and yours alone
• You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom
• If your buddy doesn't call you when he said he would, you won't tell everyone you know that "he's changed"

• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you probably won't notice
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
• If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room

• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt
• You can write your name in the snow
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes

• You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny
• One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons
• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 15 people on the day before Christmas and in 45 minutes

• Same work......... more pay

Based upon a post by "Danl K" to the Worldnet Members Forum in September, 1998

Friday, September 04, 2009

Only in Texas


Cathy writes:

TEXAS DEPUTY SHERIFF vs NEW YORK LAWYER: Only in Texas my friends... Only in Texas... Too bad...

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York
and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX .
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, "License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop," says the deputy. "License and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy repeats.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,
I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket.
If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

God Bless Texas



Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Divine Harley


Papa B with a classic:

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head....

In a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach to bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time, and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make my woman truly HAPPY."

And the Lord replied......

"You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"


Why women live longer than men: a photo essay, part II


Window cleaning... made simple!

It's the Do-it-yourself Diving Board Kit, from Blam-O!

Nothing can possibly go wrong with sharp pointy objects used as fasteners.

Spotless bathrooms are overrated.

Danger: Hard-sombrero zone!

Human bungee cords are smart bungee cords!

Pickup trucks? We don't need no steenkin' pickup trucks!

The serenity of a cool, shady spot -- a place to relax and decompress.

Joe's Discount Construction: Quality in Every Inferior Job We Do!


Related: The original "Why women live longer than men: a photo essay."

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Your hand-selected bizarre photos o' the day


I have no explanation for any of the following.








Via IZI.

Vandals target construction sites


Jan sent these photos in, explaining that a construction worker had been fired earlier in the week. He is suspected of revisiting the site late on Saturday night and left this in his wake.














KION reports that vandals also targeted a Scotts Valley construction site last week.