Future generations will marvel at this, the pinnacle of design achievement in the 21st century.
Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Monday, February 01, 2010
It holds 55 gallons of teh stinky
Entrepreneurs the world over owe BigFurHat a huge favor. The iOwnTheWorld principal appears to have designed the penultimate example of Barack Obama paraphernalia. It not only pays homage to our President's tendency to bow at random municipal officials, but it also serves as an energy-efficient receptacle for the massive waves of voter's remorse now sweeping the nation.
Future generations will marvel at this, the pinnacle of design achievement in the 21st century.
Future generations will marvel at this, the pinnacle of design achievement in the 21st century.Sunday, January 31, 2010
Cool Facts About Dick Cheney
Happened upon one of the classic threads -- circa 2005 -- at Ace of Spades.
Update: The Bad: "Dick Cheney shot a man in the face while hunting. That man apologized to Cheney from the hospital."
• When it snows in Washington, Dick Cheney doesn't put chains on his tires, but instead uses hippies.
• Dick Cheney's favorite snack? Souls.
• Ants have the proportional strength of Dick Cheney.
• For the past 32 years during his family's Christmas dinner Dick Cheney has carved and served the turkey pardoned by the President at Thanksgiving.
• In most places where West Texas Intermediate (WTI) crude oil is pumped and sold, it is actually referred to by its more common name, "light, sweet Cheney."
• Dick Cheney was bitten by a radioactive spider in high school, imparting to the spider Cheney-like powers.
• When a new senator places his hand on the book to be sworn in, very few realize it is actually the Necronomicon until Cheney laughs and tells them "you're mine now".
• The only thing hard enough to cut Dick Cheney is Dick Cheney.
• While on a sex-spree in a Tijuana [brothel], Dick Cheney used a live cougar as a condom... The bodycount was fourteen Mexican [hookers] and one cougar... In Tijuana, they refer to this as "The Night of the Sodomizing Cougar-Man." Dick Cheney refers to it as "last Thursday."
• Bathes every night in the warm, viscous plasma of freshly killed Iraqi insurgents to keep his skin soft.
• After turning down an offer from Mafia Don, Cheney woke up with a horse head in his bed one morning. He grabbed it, held it like a teddy bear, and went back to sleep.• It is widely believed that free-range chickens are far superior to captive ones, as they result in a more tender, juicy, healthful meal. Dick Cheney believes this too, but about homeless people.
• Dick Cheney refuses to obey the First Law of Thermodynamics on principle.
• Cheney's birth weight was 12 pounds 7 ounces, but had to be revised to 6 pounds 11 ounces after circumcision.
• Dick Cheney carries a leather bag filled with one tooth from the mouth of every man he's murdered in cold blood. The bag is forty feet in diameter and weighs approximately six tons. When Harry Reid pisses him off, he just points to his Big Bag O' Teeth and mouths out the words, "There's still room."
• Dick Cheney blocked the filming of The Lord of the Rings for forty years, because he deemed Elves "too f***ing faggy." Production could only begin once he was busy running for the Vice Presidency.
• Dich Cheney's measured, elegant speaking style belies the fact that he opens all Senate sessions with "Listen up, motherf***ers.", and then throws a gavel at Barbara Boxer.
• As CEO of Halliburton, executives from rival megacorporations would attempt to kill or capture Cheney to ransom him for Halliburton stocks. Cheney survived all 273 such attacks, his Wyoming ranch uses their skulls to mark his territory.
• His snarl was formed at an early age. While breastfeeding, he'd tell his dad to "Back the f*** off."
• In a bow to conservationsists, Dick Cheney converted his SUV. It now runs on orphans. And puppies. And orphan puppies. Also, it gets 1 mpg city, 3 freeway. And he never leaves the city.
• Doctors turn their head when Dick Cheney coughs.• Most people don't know Cheney has a soft side. One time he executed a waiter at a resturant with a steak knife (the waiter was late coming with Dick's steak sauce). Saddened by what he had done, Cheney wept openly for a full minute. Then he cut out the waiter's heart and ate it, tears running down his cheeks.
• In quatrain X 75, Nostradamus wrote: A horse-like man, the king he'll rule - to take black gold in eastern soil - A name of chayne, fooler of fools - Anti-Christ to hats of foyle
• To this day, John Edwards often wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, terrified that the last thing he's going to hear before he dies is the words "Let me simply thank the senator for the kind words he said about my family and our daughter. I appreciate that very much."
• Toughest part of George Bush's job - convincing Cheney to give better justification in meetings with foreign dignitaries than "Because that's just the f***in' way I want it."
• As a youth, angrily denounced Pol Pot for "just phoning it in, sometimes."
• When Dick Cheney shaves in the morning he has to hold a loaded .44 to his head to keep from cutting his own throat.
• Dick Cheney is so hard, he has a vestigal immune system.
• Dick Cheney made the President and CEO of Lockheed Martin piss his pants at a demonstration flight of the F-22 by saying "this better rock, bitch".
• Dick Cheney used to write childrens' stories under the pen name "H.P. Lovecraft."
• During a 1962 fraternity road trip Cheney attended a donkey show in a Tijuana nightclub. Today, as the "Shrine of the Weeping Burro," it attracts over 3 million pilgrims annually.
• Dick Cheney invented the sport of kitten-stapling, including both the height and span categories.
• Cheney is in a secure bunker in an undisclosed location. Not for his protection, but for ours.
Update: The Bad: "Dick Cheney shot a man in the face while hunting. That man apologized to Cheney from the hospital."
Friday, January 29, 2010
Deadeye
Samuel sent this one in:
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town.
Everywhere he saw evidence of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center.The FBI agent asked one of the townspeople if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. No problem. The marksman turned out to also be the town drunk.
"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen," said the agent to the man. "How in the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," said the wobbling man. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward."
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Microsoft fires back at Apple with surprise launch of its own stunning new tablet competitor
Just hours after Apple launched its iPad, Microsoft released its own tablet offering. The iBall -- named after the company's charismatic chief executive Steve Ballmer -- features a slick user interface, a stylus-driven screen with bezel-mounted push-buttons and a massive 40GB hard drive.
Buyers will have their choice of operating systems for the device: Windows XPT (XP for Tablet) Home, XPT Home Professional, XPT Home Enterprise, XPT Enterprise Professional Not for Home, XPT Ultimate Enterprise and XPT Ultimate Enterprise Professional Gold Label. The latter four products may be purchased under standard enterprise licensing agreements, including Select, Select + S.A., Enterprise and new Simplified Volume Licensing (SVL), which is offered with and without software assurance, depending upon volume category, gross margin potential and other factors.
Ballmer was upbeat during the announcement, saying that "...we've finally beaten Apple at its own game. We're sexier, sleekier and altogether user-friendlier. I think we represent the state-of-the-art for this class of device -- and we intend to stay there."
Unit prices were not released at the sparsely attended event, though company executives promised that it would be "nearly competitive" with similarly-equipped Apple models. Included with each iBall is a complimentary copy of MineSweeper for Tablets, a stylus-compatible version of the beloved game classic.
Linked by: Michelle Malkin. Thanks!
Buyers will have their choice of operating systems for the device: Windows XPT (XP for Tablet) Home, XPT Home Professional, XPT Home Enterprise, XPT Enterprise Professional Not for Home, XPT Ultimate Enterprise and XPT Ultimate Enterprise Professional Gold Label. The latter four products may be purchased under standard enterprise licensing agreements, including Select, Select + S.A., Enterprise and new Simplified Volume Licensing (SVL), which is offered with and without software assurance, depending upon volume category, gross margin potential and other factors.Ballmer was upbeat during the announcement, saying that "...we've finally beaten Apple at its own game. We're sexier, sleekier and altogether user-friendlier. I think we represent the state-of-the-art for this class of device -- and we intend to stay there."
Unit prices were not released at the sparsely attended event, though company executives promised that it would be "nearly competitive" with similarly-equipped Apple models. Included with each iBall is a complimentary copy of MineSweeper for Tablets, a stylus-compatible version of the beloved game classic.
Linked by: Michelle Malkin. Thanks!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott
Papa B sent this one in.
ABBOTT: Mega-Computer, can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Mega-Computer, can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'...........................
How do you hide an elephant?
I chose a few favorites from the How do you hide an elephant? contest at the always entertaining (but neither SFW or PC) b3ta boards:








Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a winner!








Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a winner!
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