Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Behavior of Women, Explained by Engineers

The Mistress-in-Chief sent this one in:







Friday, July 16, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have a Wiener (Part II)!

Atomic Roach sent us a pictorial version of the winner of our recent contest.

Yes, I'm well aware there are some very sick puppies who frequent iOwnTheWorld.

Trust me: Atomic Roach is the sane one.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Have a Wiener!

The window to submit entries for iOwnTheWorld's latest prestigious contest closed earlier this afternoon.

We’ve been waiting for a good theme. It has revealed itself. In the spirit of the Mega Mosque at Ground Zero we are looking for Inappropriate Shrines, Symbols, Awards, Tributes etc.

An example would be a Benihana at the Arizona.

Or, as Mr. Pinko said, a loving tribute to Bucky Dent at Fenway Park.

My custom-coded HumorBoy 2000™ algorithm has completed its nightly batch run and calculated the winners with the highest crackariffic humor quotient.

Drumroll, please...

Ladies and gentlemen, you're winners are:

20. A Sizzler Restaurant at Waco - Roach Liberation Front
19. The Billy Graham Revival TV Special Live from Mecca, Saudi Arabia! - Kool Kracker (mod.)
18. NOW office in Tehran - Effin' Cracker
17. The Ted Kennedy First Responder Award - Call Me Lennie
16. CAIR's First Annual Miss Gorgeous Goat Pageant at the Ohio State Fair - Crackatoa (mod.)
15. Brady Institute Civilian Marksman Program - ANA
14. Space Shuttle Challenger Simulator Theme Ride - Cracker Snatcher (mod.)
13. The Michael Jackson Preschool and Daycare Center - The Bad
13. The Jane Fonda USO Tour - Grand Cyclops Abe
12. Obama hitting the first tee to open the Masters – Kool Kracker
11. A cracker factory in South Central LA – Crackatoa
10. A National Rifle Association endorsement of Harry Reid… oh, wait… - My2Crackers
9. A planned parenthood at Vatican City – Effin’ Cracker
8. Singing ‘He’s a jolly good fellow’ at Barry’s birthday party – Crackatoa
7. The Martin Luther King Award for helping to bring about the end of racism to the NAACP – Dan Ryan Galt
6. A sushi stand at the Iwo Jima memorial in Washington, D.C – Betula
5. Henry Waxman on the cover of GQ magazine. Or worse, Barney Frank in Playgirl – Even Steven
4. A rifle range in the Texas schoolbook Depository Building – Roach Liberation Front
3. Barack Obama Presidential Library in Independence Hall – Illustr8r
2. A mushroom burger in Nagasaki – Crackatoa
1. Photo of Obama throwing a baseball on the Wheaties box – Even Steven

Let me be the first to congratulate all of our winners, a talented bunch all. As for the losers, better luck next time, FAILures!


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The 'Inappropriate Shrines' Contest

I'm proudly serving as a celebrity judge at iOwnTheWorld's latest prestigious contest.

We’ve been waiting for a good theme. It has revealed itself. In the spirit of the Mega Mosque at Ground Zero we are looking for Inappropriate Shrines, Symbols, Awards, Tributes etc.

An example would be a Benihana at the Arizona.

Or, as Mr. Pinko said, a loving tribute to Bucky Dent at Fenway Park.

Get creative, get outrageous, get poignant, get sad, get funny.

This contest is open until Thursday, July 15th, 5 PM EST. You are competing for a prize to be named later.

Knowing the folks who run these contests the prize could range from a lifetime supply of Ramen Noodles to a Ferrari Cabriolet, depending upon how their week at the craps table went.

So enter early and enter often.*


* Members of the Ross family and the New Black Panthers Party are not eligible for prize packages.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

My Jersey Shore Summer Vacation

The party that precipitated the great hair gel shortage of 2010.

Kids: be warned that excessive tanning will damage your retinas.

The post-production party from the new show Project Oompa Loompa.

The hedgehog coiff was popular for a couple of days this month.

Close call: these guys were just two tanning-bed settings from death.

Hair: check. Pink jacket: checkety-check. Date: check and mate, biznatch!

Happy hour at the bodybuilding hairdressers convention.

Supah Wiseguy!

Tan-in-a-can meets fake-and-bake.

Calm down ladies - none of these dudes are taken.

Hat tip: Sean E.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Photo Caption o' the Day

MOTUS:

Someone needs to spend a little less time at the golf course and a little more time on the bench.


Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Caption Contest: Iran Unveils Terrifying Super Battle Robot

Pundette says this photo is crying out for a caption.



Okay, I seeded it. Submit your own in the comments. But, please, please don't insult Ahmedinejack. President Obama still insists he'll negotiate with this esteemed world leader "without preconditions".


Sunday, May 30, 2010

A Newsreel From the Very Near Future

Universal International News, in conjunction with the Obama administration, presents Government Newsreel number 903.

Under cover of darkness, GM's top secret new vehicle -- the 2012 Buick Bureaucrat -- arrives at the New York Auto Show. Powered entirely by green energy sources, this beautiful Buick turns heads as it hits a top speed of 200 feet per minute.

Not to be outdone, Chrysler's luxurious Dodge Deficit offers a unique eight-door design, which means your entire family will arrive in style at the soup kitchen.

Good news at the National Healthcare Service: President Obama has promised to airlift hundreds of doctors from Cuba later this month to address the long lines in hospitals. Government officials have also promised to remedy medical priorities that currently place undocumented citizens at the front of the line.

And more positive news on the economic front: the rate of unemployment increases has slowed, moving from 17.1% to 17.4%, a tenth-of-a-percent less than analysts had predicted! Proof positive that Stimulus Seven is working!

As for financing the $45 trillion national debt, great progress this week as leaders from Brazil, Russia, India and China have agreed to meet next month in Beijing. Topic one will be answering President Obama's request to buy more Treasury Bills.

Blackouts continue to plague the industrial Northeast as wind production farms have missed their quotas for the third month in a row. The Department of Energy promises to find new green energy sources by 2013 that should help alleviate the troublesome outages.

The velvet cloak of night did not stop President Obama from introducing his new volunteer corp uniforms. The new cadre combines elements of ACORN, Organizing for America, Change.gov, the SEIU and Americorps into a single, cohesive unit! First job on the list: internal national security to ensure safety for all Americans!

Lastly, a well-deserved comeuppance for hate-speech specialists Michelle Malkin and Glenn Reynolds. They were convicted last week of 800 counts of inciting hatred and violating FTC blogging rules; their punishment: 20 years in Leavenworth. Hate-mongers beware: expect internal security forces to be knocking on your doors shortly!

Join us next week for more approved news stories, only from Universal International News, the patriotic channel!


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

President Obama appoints Kwame Kilpatrick to lead independent investigation of Sestak bribery allegations

Citing growing dissatisfaction with the effort to clear the White House of bribery allegations, President Obama ordered former political ally Kwame Kilpatrick to investigate the charges.

"Few men in the United States have the deep experience with graft, corruption, bribery, and political duplicity than my good friend Kwame," the President said early Wednesday, "That is why I trust him completely to investigate fully the charges that I did something untoward or improper."

In related news, a self-described "Blue Ribbon Commission" consisting of David Axelrod, Rahm Emanuel, Franklin Raines and Jamie Gorelick completed their investigation of the allegations that Rep. Joe Sestak (D-PA) had been offered a job in exchange for dropping out of the Senate race with Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA).

Gorelick stated that, "After a thorough and complete review, consisting of exhaustive interviews, research and Google searches, all of which consumed nearly 20 minutes, we have determined that the White House only offered Mr. Sestak a Pop Tart and a cup of coffee. Thanks to incredible cooperation by all levels of government, we've concluded that absolutely no improper activity took place, aside from Mr. Sestak taking a whiz off the Lincoln balcony."


Friday, May 21, 2010

BP to construct massive mosque over Gulf oil spill site in hopes of plugging leak, plus to 'stay on the President's good side'

NEW ORLEANS (ASSOCIATED DEPRESSED) - BP intends to build one of the world's most massive mosques in order to "kill two birds with one stone", according to Vice President of Lubrication Services Harvey Von Frostie. The mission of the construction project includes stopping the leak, which was caused by a tragic accident on April 20th, as well as "ensuring we stay on the administration's good side."

At a press conference late Thursday afternoon, Von Frostie assured reporters that the project would be relatively "uncontroversial compared to the Mosque currently being constructed at Ground Zero."

Continued on Page B17

Image: PhotoFurl. Linked by: Michelle Malkin and Doug Powers. Thanks!


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