Thursday, September 21, 2006

Guess who's coming to dinner


We implanted a super-secret, blogospheric eavesdropping device at the recent dinner party for Iranian dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The event was hosted by a liberal "think tank" -- the Council on Foreign Relations -- members of which include such Democratic luminaries as Madeleine Albright, Tom Brokaw, Robert Rubin and Richard Holbrooke. Let's join the sóiree, shall we?


Mahmoud, you look stunning...


Madame, you flatter me. I'm simply honored to be in the company of a true beauty like yourself...


(fanning herself) Why... why... Mahmoud... you're so....


So what, Madeleine?


Tommy! I didn't know you were coming...


If I'm interrupting something here...


You are! There's only one CFR hottie... and she's mine, Mahmoud!


Boys! Don't fight over me... look, there's a waiter with those tiny kosher weiner-dogs...


Weiner dog, anyone?


I'll have one! ....Hot damn, that's a might good weiner-dog!


I'll say! Spicy, too...

Look... Mahmoud... I'm sorry.... about getting so snippy with you. If we can have similar tastes in hot dogs and hot women... why can't our countries get along?


Well, do you truly believe the Zionist myth that the Holocaust occurred?


Errr... yes...


Do you agree with me that Anglo-Saxon civilization must be destroyed?


Uhm... No...


Do you agree that Iran's Mullahs should possess nuclear weapons?


Based on the previous questions, probably not...


Then, we truly can be friends......


*Whew* That's a relief... I thought you were serious...


Oh, I was! We can be friends, when you and your kind are dead.


Uhh...


Eeesshhh... this is awkward...


Can I interest anyone in a mini-bagel?


Oh, I'd love one! For all your many, many faults, you Americans are a most hospitable people! Great appetizers, too!


Piping hot good readin', just like Mama used to make:
American Future: Ahmadinejad at the Council on Foreign Relations (CFR)
Anchoress: Chavez clearly listened to Dems and Air America
Boker Tov, Boulder: The Council on Foreign Relations
Hugh Hewitt: Ahmadinejad Spells It Out For The CFR
In the Bullpen: Ahmadinejad takes the tour
Regime Change Iran: Columbia To Welcome Ahmadinejad

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Chavez goes bonkers!


Exclusive blog-o-script™ of Venezuelan President Hugh Chavez at the United Nations:


Bush is the devil.


(Polite applause)


Noam Chomsky is a god in our country. Because he's identified the real enemy: Bush.


(Polite applause)


I smell sulfur - the devil (Bush) was here yesterday.


(Polite applause)


We should call a psychiatrist to analyze the President of the United States.


(Polite applause)


America is immoral.


(Polite applause)


The US empire is on the way down, and it will soon be finished for the good of all mankind.


New York Times editorial offices, New York City, NY
This material is gold, Rich-ie... pure gold!


CNN Headquarters, Atlanta, GA
Charismatic... elegant... magnificent!


Capitol Building, Washington, DC
Someone get me his speech-writer!


It's hard to believe, but these guys are even dumber than I thought.


Oven-fresh good readin', just like mama used to make:
Anchoress: Dems can’t think of a single tax cut they would extend
HotAir: Chavez flips out
Hugh Hewitt: Ahmadinejad's speech translated
Wizbang: White House reaction to Chavez speech

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Transcript from the NSA terrorist surveillance program




Allo?


Jacques, is that you, baby? Are you calling from the secure line?


Oui, oui!


Ah, very good. Thanks for calling, babe. My trip to the U.N. is tomorrow...


I know zis. Remember to bring your -er- fromage.


My what?


Your fromage.


What in the name of Pope Benedict are you trying to say? We're on a secure line here!


Your checkbook, debile (moron)!


Yes, yes, I have the checkbook packed in my purse... I mean my Samsonite! Now... down to business. Did you get the email I sent you?


Which address did you send it to?


The old one that Saddam told me about -- OilForFood@gov.fr -- right?


That works. Hold on and let me bring it up on screen... [tap] [tap] [tap]... Always wondered this... what's the "pig done" key do?


It's "page down", Einstein... don't they have those "For Dummies" books in French? For the love of...


Okay, I've got it. I'm supposed to say, "We are committed to negotiations and therefore to dialogue. So we're not going to start by setting deadlines that are a few hours long... This is a process that is under way and I hope it will run its course."

You really think that will work? You've been skirting sanctions for two years now. How stupid do you think these guys are?


Believe me, it'll work. Think about your fans in the states. John Kerry. Madeline Albright. Al Gore...


Okay, don't rub my nose in it! When you're right, you're right. Anyhow, the rest of the statement I'm supposed to read is, "Dialogue must prevail... The international community must stand firm and united..."


Hehe... I always get a kick out of that line. Firm and united... in doing absolutely nothing.

That's good... real good.

*click* *buzz* *click*

Did you hear that?


Oui... what wazzat?


Thank you for calling Domino's, may I take your order? We're running a special today: order a large pizza with any topping and receive eight Fudgems, free!

I thought you said you called on the secure line?


Is the blue phone the secure one?

No, moron, the red phone is the secure line! Idiot!


I'll call you back!

*Click*

*Click*


Don't miss:
Anchoress: Ahmadinejad's speech opens eyes
AP: Video: Ahmadinejad addresses the UN
Hugh Hewitt: Ahmadinejad at the United Nations
Hugh Hewitt: Ahmadinejad - translated
Michelle Malkin: Man of peace
Sister Toldjah: Ahmadinejad slams US, says Bush’s polices are 'moving the world toward war'
Wizbang: Strangely similar messages