Saturday, December 06, 2008

Larwyn's Link Kerplosion: "The Luckiest Jihadist in Town"


Mark Steyn on the incredible lightness of journalism (Orange County Register): For the Wall Street Journal, Tom Gross produced a jaw-dropping round-up of Mumbai media coverage: The discovery that, for the first time in an Indian terrorist atrocity, Jews had been attacked, tortured and killed produced from the New York Times a serene befuddlement: "It is not known if the Jewish center was strategically chosen, or if it was an accidental hostage scene... Hmm. Greater Mumbai forms one of the world's five biggest cities. It has a population of nearly 20 million. But only one Jewish center, located in a building that gives no external clue as to the bounty waiting therein. An "accidental hostage scene" that one of the "practitioners" just happened to stumble upon? "I must be the luckiest jihadist in town. What are the odds?"

One Hundred Million Dollars of Fraud in Michigan (Michigan Grapevine)

Coal Hypocrites (Don Surber): There's an easy way to deal with the banks that won't loan money to coal companies (for "environmental" reasons): it's hard to operate ATM machines when the electricity is out.

When The Gun Ban Legislation Comes - Have This Video Ready (Patriot Room)

Cold Sun -- Cold Earth: 2008 and the lack of sunspots (Icecap.us [PDF])

Death by "Gun Control" (JPFO)

Star Wars vs. Star Trek (YouTube)

Exclusive Photo: Auto Industry Testifies Before Congress


"Just give us the $36 billion, see, and don't ask any questions. Otherwise, the economy might end up sleepin' wid the fishes."

Meltdown Timeline


So you know... next time.

Remember to thank Chris Dodd and Barney Frank when you visit the Capitol Building. And try not to stink up the place.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Quick quiz: Are you a Democrat, Republican or a Redneck?


Dave sent this one in. Dave is a bit... err... hardcore.

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck????

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 caliber 45 ACP, and you are also an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?




THINK CAREFULLY.

The Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
Is my wife wearing high heels? Can she sprint?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.



Republican's Answer:

BANG!



Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG !

Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!'

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!'

Coming soon... ninety-nine cent gas


The CEO of Gulf Oil says that gas prices could hit a dollar a gallon next year.

So... where's Bill O'Reilly complaining about "oil speculators"? And where's Chuckie Schumer whining about the outrageous profits of oil companies?

Perhaps an unproven economic concept called "supply and demand" could, in fact, be the culprit.

Olay!


Olay is offering some magical skin stuff aimed at women.

I really don't give a gnat's patoot about Olay, but they advertise on Fox News, so check it out. If you have interest, fill out a coupon request, check the "I saw it on TV" box and then select "Fox News".

Someone's gotta support the truth. And you can help.

Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing to do with Olay.

Line o' the Day: Go ask Pinch


Hugh Hewitt's Aftermath of Mumbai:

...Hitchens admits to being "very depressed by the parochialism of our media," and the speed with which the MSM has left the story of the attacks on Mumbai is astonishing. It is the same war that is being waged in Iraq and Afghanistan, and which has struck in Madrid, London and of course again and again in Israel. Imagine if the world had stopped covering 9/11 a week later. That is pretty much what we are seeing in the American media right now. Is the subject too complicated for them?

Yesterday's New York Times carried a fine column by Thomas Friedman which asked:

[I]f 10 young Indians from a splinter wing of the Hindu nationalist Bharatiya Janata Party traveled by boat to Pakistan, shot up two hotels in Karachi and the central train station, killed at least 173 people, and then, for good measure, murdered the imam and his wife at a Saudi-financed mosque while they were cradling their 2-year-old son — purely because they were Sunni Muslims — where would we be today?

There is a related question for American MSM: If a European city had been the scene of a slaughter on par with that in Mumbai, would you be covering it with greater interest and detail than you are covering India?

Thanks to Larwyn for the pointage.

Osama Bin Lego


Viriginia Wheeler of London's Sun spotlights some controversial new toys: terrorist LEGO™ products:

The masked follower of 9/11 mastermind Osama Bin Laden comes with a rocket launcher, assault rifle and grenades...

LEGO UK today issued a statement saying it is not associated with the toys being sold by BrickArms which have been customised without its knowledge or permission... "BrickArms is not licensed by LEGO UK to customise LEGO figures and has no links to the LEGO brand."

The toy industry is really going to pieces.

Hat tip: Larwyn. Linked by: Gateway Pundit. Thanks!

Thursday, December 04, 2008

The Pelosi Congress: Before and After


Behold the economic transformation...

$165 Billion: Budget deficit, fiscal 2007
$1000 Billion: Budget deficit, fiscal 2009 (estimated)

4.5%: Unemployment rate: November 2006
6.7%: Unemployment rate: Today.

$50 Trillion: Net worth of the United States, November 2006
$44 Trillion: Net worth of the United States: Today.

12,157: Dow, November 2006
 8,600: Dow, Today.


Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and the Democratic-controlled Congress have been a total, unmitigated disaster for Americans. Worst. Congress. Ever.

Based on: The Pelosi Record (WSJ). Linked by: Gateway Pundit, Conservative Grapevine, Right Wing Sparkle and SondraK. Thanks!

Bell & Ross: Watcha Watcha Watcha Want


Bell & Ross (no relation) just introduced its new gold collection.

These look slicker than a pig coated with Wesson oil.

I must be an old codger since I like watches.

Deep Thoughts by Bill Ayers


Headline: New York Times launches 'Alternative' Version of Home Page (Editor and Publisher): They screen-scrape the Fox News site and report what's really going on.

• Headline: British Balance Benefit vs. Cost of Latest Drugs (New York Times): "Universal" health care inevitably translates to one immutable fact: rationed heath care, with the government deciding who lives and who dies. In the U.S. you may go bankrupt while your life is saved; in the U.K. you'll die but receive no bill for your troubles.

• Headline: Detroit: Chapter 11 finally on the table (BloggingStocks): Only fifteen years too late.

• Headline: Stop Income Tax for Two Months (Newt Gingrich at Human Events): Ridiculous. Certainly the government can perform effective centralized planning of the economy by re-swizzling hundreds of billions of dollars using the same model that delivered Social Security, Medicare, "Great Society", and Fannie Mae.

• Headline: The Pelosi Record (Wall Street Journal). Executive Summary: Pelosi promised the Best Congress Ever and delivered the worst. By far. She appears, for all intents and purposes, to be the first moron ever named Speaker of the House.

• Headline: Global Warming Myth Explodes, Killing CNN and NBC (Patriot Room): CNN and NBC lay off scores of global warming climate change specialists. In related news, Encyclopedia Brittanica laid off its door-to-door salesmen.

• Headline: Egyptian Cleric to Obama: Convert to Islam: (LGF): The engraved invitation is in the mail. Just be careful opening the envelope.

Linked by: American Digest. Thanks!

Seasons Beatings


Helpful instructions from the subject-matter experts.


So now you know.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Michael Anthony Mansoor and the AWOL mainstream media


Papa B sent this in.

OOH-RAH................!!!

Where Was The Press Coverage?

Navy Petty Officer Mike Monsoor


PO2 (EOD2)(Explosive Ordnance Disposal) Mike Monsoor, a Navy EOD Technician, was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor posthumously for jumping on a grenade in Iraq , giving his life to save his fellow Seals.

During Mike Monsoor's funeral in San Diego, as his coffin was being moved from the hearse to the grave site at Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetery, SEAL's were lined up on both sides of the pallbearers route forming a column of two's, with the coffin moving up the center. As Mike's coffin passed, each SEAL, having removed his gold Trident from his uniform, slapped it down embedding the Trident in the wooden coffin.

The slaps were audible from across the cemetery; by the time the coffin arrived grave side, it looked as though it had a gold inlay from all the Tridents pinned to it.

This was a fitting send-off for a warrior hero.

This should be front-page news instead of the crap we see every day.

Since the media won't make this news,

I choose to make it news by forwarding it .

I am damn proud of our military. If you are proud too, please pass this on.

If not then rest assured that these fine men and women of our military will continue to serve and protect.

God Bless our Troops

A lot of folks wonder why the mainstream print media is disappearing before our very eyes. The lack of coverage devoted to our heroes -- the men and women protecting America -- is certainly one contributing factor.

Earlier in the year, The Donovan covered Petty Officer Michael Anthony Mansoor.

Horrific firsthand account of Mumbai terror attacks


Larwyn relays an email sent to Candace, who introduces it with this brief note: "A reputable friend has forwarded to me... the following horrific account of the experience of one of the Mumbai victims who narrowly escaped death at the hands of the Islamist terrorists. This testimony, which appears to be authentic although it is unsigned, purports to come from the victim's son and needs to be heard...

Dear friends,

First, I wanted to thank you all for the incredible concern and support that you'll have given me over the past few days which have been among the most emotionally and psychologically draining of my life.


By the grace of God my father was rescued from the Oberoi on Friday with two (minor) bullet wounds and is now speedily recovering. He did however lose the two best friends he was dining with that fateful night (who are like godfathers to me). We also lost a lot of other friends and colleagues and have watched our beloved city reduced to a war zone and brought to its knees.

On Wednesday night, my father and his two friends arrived at the Indian restaurant on the first floor of the Oberoi Hotel for dinner at about 10pm. They had barely sat down when they heard gun shots in the lobby of the hotel. The terrorists, armed with AK-47s, grenades and plastic explosives, had entered the hotel and were executing everybody sitting in the ground floor restaurant. Realizing the situation, the staff of the restaurant my father was in asked them to quickly exit through the kitchen. As the guests tried to rush into the kitchen, one terrorist burst into the restaurant and began to shoot anyone that remained in the restaurant. At this point my father was in the kitchen and along with his two friends rushed to the fire exit. They had barely descended a few steps when they were trapped from both ends by terrorists.

The terrorists then rounded up anyone alive (about 20 people) and made them climb the service staircase to the 18th floor. On reaching the 18th floor landing they made the people line up against a wall. One terrorist then positioned himself on the staircase going up from the landing and the other on the staircase going down from the landing. Then, in a scene right out of the Holocaust, they simultaneously opened fire on the people. My father was towards the center of the line with his two friends on either side. Out of reflex, or presence of mind, he ducked as soon as the firing began. One bullet grazed his neck, and he fell to the floor as his two friends and several other bodies piled on top of him. The terrorists then pumped another series of bullets into the heap of bodies to finish the job. This time a
bullet hit my father in the back hip. Bent almost in double, crushed by the weight of the bodies above him, and suffocating in the torrent of blood rushing down on him from the various bodies my father held on for ten minutes while the terrorists left the area.

When he finally had the courage to wiggle his arms he found that there were four other survivors in the room. They communicated to each other by touch as they were too afraid to make a sound. My father moved just enough to allow himself room to breathe and then lay still. The survivors passed over twelve hours lying still in the heap of bodies too afraid to move. They constantly heard gunfire and hand grenades going off in the other parts of the hotel.

They feared that any noise would bring the terrorists back. After approximately twelve hours, the terrorists returned with a camera and flashlight and joked and laughed as they filmed what they thought was a pile of dead bodies. They then moved
to the landing below where they set up explosives. On their departing, my father decided that it was too risky to remain where they were due to the explosives. Along with the other three survivors he climbed the rest of the stairwell, where they discovered a large HVAC plant room in which they decided to take shelter. They passed the rest of the siege hiding in this room trying to get the attention of the outside world by waving a makeshift flag out of the window. They drank sips of dirty water from the Air Conditioning unit to survive. Finally on Friday morning they were spotted by a commando rescue team that was storming the building and were evacuated to safety and taken to the hospital.

This is just one of the countless horror stories that unfolded in those two days. There are many stories of entire families being wiped out while eating their dinner, or young kids losing both parents, or pregnant women being shot while pleading for their lives, or hostages being beaten to death with the butt of a rifle so that their faces were unrecognizable. The terrorists attacked on every level. They killed middle class workers when they shot up the railway station, they killed the elite in the hotels, they killed tourists and kids as they ate in a café, and they killed the sick and dying when they stormed three hospitals. They shot people in the roads, in
stations, in hotels, and even entered an apartment building. They killed Indians, Americans, Britons, Israelis, and several other nationalities. They killed men, women, children, policemen, firemen, doctors, patients.

This was systematic, cold-blooded, slaughter.

We have lost a lot of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. Every person who lives in South Mumbai has a story about how either they or someone they love either died or had a narrow escape. The true extent of the horror will only make itself clear over the next few days.

Mumbai is a proud city and we pride ourselves on bouncing back from any adversity. We survive and prosper despite all the difficulties placed on us. We are no strangers to terror and have had to pick up the pieces and move on after several attacks. This time however, the sheer scale and audacity brought the city to its knees. The openness of our society, the bustling hoards in our train stations, the vibrancy of our news media, and the thousands of tourists, diplomats, and business leaders packing our hotels was used against us to devastating effect.

In the end one tries to make sense of all this. Barack Obama said about the killers of 9/11: "My powers of empathy, my ability to reach into another's heart, cannot penetrate the blank stares of those who would murder innocents with such serene satisfaction."

Unfortunately, this is becoming an all familiar scene in today's world. While I cannot understand, I recognize again and again the hatred, anger, and desperation of the terrorists and the cold blooded, targeted, ruthlessness of those that dispatch them. They respect nothing but their own twisted beliefs and to achieve them have declared war on an entire way of life. India now finds itself as a major front of this global war.

How do we fight such hate? How do we inject humanity into such monstrosity? How do we convince those who think they kill in god's name that no God would condone such barbarity? How do we maintain our own values and humanity when faced with such hate and provocation?

Over the next week as we say goodbye to those we lost and help those that survive, Mumbai and India will ask themselves these questions. I hope the rest of the world does too.

Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers.

Larwyn's Link Kerplosion: A Straggler's Thanksgiving


From the New York Landmarks Plot to the Mumbai Attack: "On the surface, last week’s attack on Mumbai was remarkable for its execution and apparently unconventional tactics. But when compared to a plot uncovered 15 years ago that targeted prominent hotels in Manhattan, it becomes apparent that the Mumbai attack was not so original after all."

Indian officials will torture lone terrorist survivor for information. And if India's ACLU complains, they'll torture them too.

Marathon Pundit's Obama-Chicago tour.

What a coincidence! Decades of pursuing an ultra-liberal agenda and California declares a fiscal crisis!

The Know Somethings

Why did the chicken cross the road (as answered by politicians)?

Out-Goring Gore: "Some scientists believe that an extreme cooling episode, potentially a mini-ice age, is imminent. Others think that it may already be under way."

Google crunches numbers on clean-energy policy.

7 Historical Figures Who Were Absurdly Hard To Kill.

Error message o' the day (seen on a near-daily basis in Microsoft Outlook 2003 when trying to accept a meeting): "You cannot respond to a meeting without an organizer. You must add an Organizer field to the item." Eh, the organizer sent me the meeting invitation! What the... ?

Mumbai Weapons


Antareptic reads between the lines in the photo below.

This picture, taken in the aftermath of the Mumbai terror attacks, is disturbing on a number of levels.

These aren't AK-47s, the cheap and ubiquitous automatic weapons favored in the third world because, while crude, will shoot under almost any circumstance. No, these are Heckler & Koch MP5s, the standard submachine gun of security services throughout the world, including our own special forces in all branches of the military.

This isn't a black market gun. While people living in caves in Afghanistan can and do manufacture Kalashnikovs by hand, the MP5 is a sophisticated weapon requiring high tech metallurgy and other technologies for their production.

Pakistan Ordinance Factories manufactures these weapons under license from HK, and they are under the control of the Pakistani Ministry of Defense.

Its hard to escape the implications.

But -- as one of the commenters point out -- the pictures I've seen depict the terrorists armed with AK-47 variants.

Those certainly aren't H-K's. The first photo probably depicts weapons used by Indian commandos. And they don't have terrorist blood smeared on them.

Bill Ayers pens his first book for kids


This guy's quite an educator, ain't he?

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The Hilarious History of the Financial Crisis in Quotes


If Congress can bring itself to overcome the furious political opposition of the GSEs and their supporters, [it will] reduce the size of Fannie's and Freddie's portfolios [and reduce the] massive risks for the taxpayers and the economy in general... If Congress cannot take this essential step... Fannie and Freddie will continue to grow, and one day... there will be a massive default with huge losses to the taxpayers and systemic effects on the economy..."

  -- Regulating Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, 5/13/2005, Peter J. Wallison, The American Enterprise Institute

What follows is a select group of quotations, in roughly chronological order, illustrating the interplay between Republicans and Democrats regarding the regulation of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

• "We manage our political risk with the same intensity that we manage our credit and interest rate risks." -- Fannie Mae CEO Franklin Raines, 1999.

• "[The size of the two GSEs (Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac) is "a potential problem [because] financial trouble of a large GSE could cause strong repercussions in financial markets, affecting Federally insured entities and economic activity." -- Fiscal Year 2002 Proposed Budget, Pres. George W. Bush, 4/2001

• "[A]lthough investors perceive an implicit Federal guarantee of [GSE] obligations ... the government has provided no explicit legal backing for them... As a consequence, unexpected problems at a GSE could immediately spread into financial sectors beyond the housing market." -- The Bush Administration's Office of Federal Housing Enterprise Oversight (OFHEO), "Systemic Risk: Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and the Role of OFHEO," OFHEO Report, 2/4/03.

• [Bush Treasury secretary John Snow has proposed] "the most significant regulatory overhaul in the housing finance industry since the savings and loan crisis a decade ago." -- The New York Times, 9/2003

• "[Any] legislation to reform GSE regulation should empower the new regulator with sufficient strength and credibility to reduce systemic risk... [To reduce the potential for systemic instability, the regulator would have] "broad authority to set both risk-based and minimum capital standards [and] receivership powers necessary to wind down the affairs of a troubled GSE... The enormous size of the mortgage-backed securities market means that any problems at the GSEs matter for the financial system as a whole," -- Bush administration chief economist Gregory Mankiw, 11/2003.

• "I do not think we are facing any kind of a crisis [with Fannie and Freddie]." -- Rep. Barney Frank, D-MA, 11/2003

• "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." -- Sen. Thomas Carper, D-DE, 11/2003.

• "The Administration has determined that the safety and soundness regulators of the housing GSEs lack sufficient power and stature to meet their responsibilities, and therefore…should be replaced with a new strengthened regulator." -- Fiscal Year 2005 Proposed Budget, Pres. George W. Bush, 2/2004 (pg. 83, 2005 Budget Analytic Perspectives).

• "We do not have a world-class system of supervision of the housing government sponsored enterprises (GSEs), even though the importance of the housing financial system that the GSEs serve demands the best in supervision to ensure the long-term vitality of that system. Therefore, the Administration has called for a new, first class, regulatory supervisor for the three housing GSEs: Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and the Federal Home Loan Banking System." -- Deputy Secretary of Treasury Samuel Bodman, testifying before the House Financial Services Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations, 6/2004.

• "The matters detailed in this report (""Allegations of accounting and Management Failure at Fannie Mae") are serious and raise concerns regarding the validity of previously reported financial results, the adequacy of regulatory capital, the quality of management supervision, and the overall safety and soundness of the Enterprise... We all know that the Enterprise is very thinly capitalized, but the potential effect of requiring a responsible capital level would be to adversely affect earnings per share, and consequently make the payment of bonuses [to Fannie executives] much less likely..." -- Rep. Richard Baker, R-LA, 10/6/2004

• "I think it is clear that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are sufficiently secure so they are in no great danger... I don't think we face a crisis; I don't think that we have an impending disaster. ...Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac do very good work, and they are not endangering the fiscal health of this country." -- Rep. Barney Frank, D-MA, 10/6/2004

• "I have sat through nearly a dozen hearings where, frankly, we were trying to fix something that wasn't broke. [sic] ...These GSEs have more than adequate capital for the business they are in: providing affordable housing. As I mentioned, we should not be making radical or fundamental change... If there is anything to fix or improve, it is the [regulators]." -- Rep. Maxine Waters, D-CA, 10/6/2004

• "...I have to go to another hearing, I will try to be just real quick... I am just pissed off at [the regulator] because if it wasn't for you I don't think that we would be here in the first place. ...we are faced with is maybe some individuals who wanted to do away with GSEs in the first place, you have given them an excuse to try to have this forum [to change the] mission of what the GSEs had, which they have done a tremendous job... There has been nothing that was indicated is wrong, you know, with Fannie Mae... The question that then presents is the competence that your agency has with reference to deciding and regulating these GSEs." -- Rep. Gregory Meeks, D-NY, 10/6/2004:

• "[T]hese [subprime] assets are so riskless that their capital for holding them should be under 2 percent." Franklin Raines, Chairman and CEO of Fannie Mae, 10/6/2004.

• "S.190: A bill to address the regulation of secondary mortgage market enterprises, and for other purposes." -- Sponsored by Sen. Chuck Hagel [R-NE], 1/26/2005, co-sponsored by Sen Elizabeth Dole [R-NC], Sen. John McCain [R-AZ]. Sen. John Sununu [R-NH].

• "[If Fannie and Freddie] continue to grow, continue to have the low capital that they have, continue to engage in the dynamic hedging of their portfolios, which they need to do for interest rate risk aversion, they potentially create ever-growing potential systemic risk down the road... We are placing the total financial system of the future at a substantial risk [by doing nothing]." -- Fed Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan, 2005.

• "[T]he [2005 GSE reform] bill didn't become law, for a simple reason: Democrats opposed it on a party-line vote in the committee, signaling that this would be a partisan issue. Republicans, tied in knots by the tight Democratic opposition, couldn't even get the Senate to vote on the matter." -- Kevin Hassett of the American Enterprise Institute (2008).

• "[F]irst things first when it comes to those two institutions (Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac). Congress needs to get them reformed, get them streamlined, get them focused, and then I will consider other options." -- President George W. Bush, Press Conference, The White House, 8/9/07

• "These institutions [the GSEs] provide liquidity in the mortgage market that benefits millions of homeowners, and it is vital they operate safely and operate soundly. So I've called on Congress to pass legislation that strengthens independent regulation of the GSEs – and ensures they focus on their important housing mission. The GSE reform bill passed by the House earlier this year is a good start. But the Senate has not acted. And the United States Senate needs to pass this legislation soon." -- President George W. Bush, Discusses Housing, The White House, 12/6/07.

* * *

Meanwhile, Chris Dodd (D-CT) still won't release the HUD statement disclosing the particulars of the sweetheart loan he received from Countrywide's Friends of Angelo Program. Dodd was also the top recipient of Fannie Mae donations over the past two decades. Coincidentally, I'm sure.

Let's face it. The Democrats are laughing at us. After all, we just rewarded the culprits behind this financial debacle with more power.

We're a bunch of rubes.

Linked by: Oswego Lion. Thanks!

Heaviest Element Known to Science Discovered


Papa B sent this one in.

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science

The new element, *Governmentium (Gv)* has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are *held together by forces called morons*, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each *reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.*

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as *critical mor ass*.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes *Administratium*, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Turbo Encabulators


It is of paramount importance that you watch this video now.

That is, if you're at all interested in bringing perfection to the crudely conceived idea of a transmission that would not only supply inverse reactive current for use in unilateral phase detractors, but would also be capable of automatically synchronizing cardinal gram meters. Such an instrument is the turbo encabulator.

Hat tip: David W.