The Sun reports that European governments are doing their part to curb global warming. British members of Parliament have asked the European Commission to examine, "the livestock question in direct connection with global warming":
| The official EU declaration demands changes to animals’ diets, to capture gas emissions and recycle manure... They warned: "The livestock sector presents the greatest threat to the planet." |
Al Gore's new invention -- the Cow-Cork™ -- promises to help address the problem. The Cow-Cork can capture an entire day's worth of cow emissions in a compact, cost-effective form-factor.
However, the splinter group called People Against the Slavish Subjugation of Germs, Animals, and Stones (or PASS-GAS, for short) are protesting the plan. They claim that the act of capturing and harnessing innocent animals' air biscuits is a fundamental violation of their rights.
PASS-GAS spokesperson Flower Moonbeam stated that, "these animals don't launch 'trouser trumpets' voluntarily. They may rattle a few windows from time to time and sound a 'cheek flapper' on occasion. But let's be fair. They're not inside the house blasting 'floorboard lifters' or sealing the car windows in pursuit of a 'rolling Dutch Oven'.
We therefore believe that humans should buy Cowbung offsets, the livestock equivalent of Carbon Offsets. Animals should break free, like the wind. And people everywhere can help, simply through their purchase of Cowbung offsets, which are on sale now at Cowbunga.com."
Al Gore was unavailable for comment at press time.
Oven-baked good readin', just like Mama used to make:
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