Carnac the Magnificent reads the headlines

(Carnac holds the sealed envelope up to his turban)

CARNAC: Bill Ayers and Jihadis.

ED McMAHON: 'Bill Ayers and Jihadis'

(Carnac rips the envelope open and removes the card)

CARNAC (reading): Name two sets of terrorists who tried to kill hundreds of soldiers at Fort Dix, New Jersey.

Fox News: Jury Finds 5 Men Guilty of Plotting to Kill Soldiers at Fort Dix.
Some dude: Dead Cops, Dead Marines, and their Killers.