Saturday, August 25, 2012

Exclusive: Full Secret Agenda of the Democrat National Convention!

Cub Reporter Biff Spackle scoops the world with the tippity-top secret agenda for the DNC.

2012 Democrat National Convention
Schedule of Events

 7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
 7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED NATIONS
 7:20 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barack Obama
 7:25 pm OPENING PRAYER - Reverend Jeremiah Wright
 7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah
 7:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Darryl Hannah
 8:00 pm GLOBAL WARMING OMFG!!!!!!!!! - Al Gore
 8:30 pm WHY FOURTH TRIMESTER ABORTIONS MATTER - Barbara Boxer
 8:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barbara Boxer
 9:00 pm CHARGING OUR TROOPS WITH WAR CRIMES - John Kerry
 9:30 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN AND MUAMMAR GADDAFI - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
 9:55 pm INCOHERENT RAMBLING ABOUT COWBOY POETRY, ETC. - Harry Reid
10:00 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Susan Sarandon
10:05 pm COLLECTION DRIVE FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN MEMORIAL FUND - Cher
10:30 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Sean Penn
11:00 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Susan Sarandon's Rack
11:50 pm A PLEA FOR MASS PARDONS OF THE OCCUPY WALL STREET RAPISTS - Howard Dean
12:15 am FREE THE MINUTEMEN IN AFGHANISTAN'S PRISONS - Michael Moore
12:25 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Jessica Alba
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi
12:55 am Barack Obama ACCEPTS NOMINATION, GRAMMY, AND TONY AWARDS
1:15 am THE TRUE STORY: HOW I KILLED BIN LADEN - Barack Obama
1:25 am Max Baucus SINGS NATIONAL ANTHEM
1:30 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:55 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Mitt McRyan
2:00 am Bill Clinton asks Max Baucus to drive Hillary home.


Hat tips: Black Quill & Ink and 2008 Agenda for Democrat National Convention.

11 comments:

  1. tucsondon1:37 PM

    Way funny. Thanks, that was great!

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  2. The Minnesota delegation proposes a minute of raucous cheering in memory of Paul Wellstone.

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  3. Anonymous8:04 PM

    You forgot the tribute to MSNBC for dutifully regergitating the Chicago talking points.

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  4. Anonymous9:35 PM

    Biff, you crack me up!

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  5. Not going to happen. The notion that any of those windbags might be limited to less than 1 hour behind a mike defies credibility.

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  6. Sad thing is - it's not that unrealistic lol

    I'm going to post part of it and link it, it's funny.

    Sara

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  7. Anonymous9:39 PM

    Shouldn't there be a tribute to Bradley Manning in there somewhere?

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  8. Johnny Griswold9:57 PM

    Bravo.

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  9. This can't be accurate... there's not nearly enough pro-abortion speeches on this agenda.

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  10. dudez we can call it the Democratic National Convention and not the Democrat one, it's capitalized so we know there's leftwingery involved.

    /buzzkillington (i did lol particularly at the Boxer one though. yaaaay what a superduper ma'am our state has as senator)

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  11. Anonymous2:23 AM

    11:45 PM. I'm there.

    ReplyDelete