BREAKING: President Calls for Section 8 Housing on Martha's Vineyard to Accommodate Illegal Alien Children

By Biff Spackle

Citing a concern with diversity on the posh resort island of Martha's Vineyard, President Barack Obama today called for a massive local buildup of Section 8 Housing to accommodate thousands of unaccompanied alien children (UACs).

"To paraphrase a famous movie," the President joked, "'I see white people.' In all seriousness, our national mandate for social justice demands that we integrate Martha's Vineyard, which today is a haven for millionaires and billionaires, as well as corporate jet- and yacht-owners, almost all of whom have pasty white complexions. And just think of all of the thousands of construction jobs we'll save or create!"


The President's auto-pen in Washington signed an Executive Order commanding the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) to build "not less than three thousand low-income housing units on the north side of the island near Lambert's Cove."

The units, according to the order, will be devoted to housing up to 12,000 illegal alien children and their guardians.

In a prepared statement, former HUD Secretary and current Governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo praised the move. "It's high time the pampered wealthy on the Vineyard experienced some of the pain all of the rich people have inflicted upon society. The residents of the Vineyard need to see what it's like to deal with high unemployment, scabies, high unemployment, tuberculosis, and crappy schools run by iron-fisted teachers' unions.

Obama noted that he would not be vacationing on the Vineyard this year and would instead spend three weeks in Hawaii.

Continued on Page D-17