Saturday, March 24, 2007

Democratic War Spending Bill: Defeat, Pork, and Discord

Ready to review the war spending bill? Just wanted to make sure it's got everything we talked about.


Does it micromanage the war?


Undermine commanders by setting an arbitrary date for withdrawal?


Let terrorists know how long they need to hibernate until we leave?


Tick off our Iraqi allies?


(Rubbing hands) Good... very good.

How much in bribes -- I mean, incentives -- did we have to pay to get those votes?

Ah, don't worry about it. Only about $24 billion.

Was any of it related to the war?

MWAHAWAWAHHHWAWHAW!!! Whoooo!! Hehehehehe! Good one, Jackie boy!

Well? What was it?

$283 million for a milk program.


It does a body good! And $74 million for peanut storage.

Peanut... storage?

Damn peanuts keep escaping. And we've got $60 million for salmon fisheries.

Uhm, salmon?

Omega-3, my unindicted friend - really pumps up your HDL! Oh, plus, $50 million for asbestos cleanup.

Nothing more urgent than the asbestos scourge. It's as bad as global warming!

And $13 million for lamb replacement.

That makes sense. Damn lambs need replacement, what with all of them... --er-- --uhm--- dying off.

$24 million for sugar beet producers.

That's because the sour beets have been taking their market share!

$40 million for tree assistance.

Those must be elderly trees. They need assisted living after the Bush health-care debacle.

$25 million for spinach growers.

Yup. After the e coli scare, those spinach growers need all the help they can get. You know, it's not just for breakfast anymore.

So, all of these --er-- extras were enough to convince our recalcitrant friends?

Yep, Congressman Peter DeFazio (D-OR) said so. He's one of many... we'd never have gotten the 218-212 margin without our, uhm, incentives.

I can't believe these Republicans are calling this "pork!" What a bunch of hypocrites!

I know! Thank heavens we've ended their culture of corruption!

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