EPA Acquires High-Cap Semi-Auto Handguns Due to Extreme Dangers of Testing Air and Ponds for Toxins Like Carbon Dioxide

Nothing spells danger like testing rivers and ponds for dangerous pollutants such as carbon dioxide and radon. That's why the EPA is arming up, acquiring dozens of Glock 19 semi-auto handguns.

This is a Glock 19 fitted with an optional 33-round magazine.

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency’s Criminal Investigations Division intends to award a sole source firm-fixed-price Purchase Order to Glock, Inc. under the authority of FAR Part 13, Simplified Acquisition Procedures for 40 Model G-19, 9mm frame handguns with finger grove and rail frames, Tijico night sights, extended magazine catches and 3.5lb/NY1 Trigger magazines. The Glock model G-19 is the Agency standard firearm and is the only pistol that fits our training, certified repair technician contracts, and equipment capabilities without a major change to Agency operations. Our agents are trained with the Glock pistol, and changing to another manufacturer would require transition training for each agent that could range from 1 to 3 days depending on the manufacturer. Additionally, our Agents are outfitted with holsters and magazine clips that are fitted to the Glock model firearm. Furthermore, EPA-CID has a large amount of spare parts for the Glock weapons and to retool these parts would require substantial expenditure for the Government.

The EPA's motto says it all: Trouble is our business.

As for you climate deniers out there? Let this be a warning to you. The EPA isn't playing patty-cake with low-life jamokes like you.