Steven Seagal reviews the movie The Last Samurai

"I was raised in Japan. I was schooled in martial arts. I was given the title of master. They take a movie The Last Samurai. They have a five foot two inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don't know. I don't care. He had never been to Japan. He doesn't speak Japanese. He has never held a sword. They make him the last samurai." (link)

AP whitewashes Ahmadinejad (again)

Associated Press writer Ali Akbar Dareini quotes Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad several times in his latest piece, "Iran's President Says Bush 'Most Hated'":

"Oh, the respectful gentleman, get out of the glassy palace and know that you are the most hated person in the eyes of the world's nations and you can't harm the Iranian nation," Ahmadinejad said... "A nation that has resisted until today will resist until the last step and will defend its rights..."

But Ali Akbar and the AP can't find time to report the highlights of a December 20th article on Ahmadinejad from AFP. In it, the Iranian president's message appears far more ominous and certainly more relevant to American readers than the AP's whitewashed version:

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has predicted that Britian, Israel and the United States would eventually disappear from the world like the Egyptian pharaonic kings. "The oppressive powers will disappear while the Iranian people will stay. Any power that is close to God will survive while the powers who are far from God will disappear like the pharaohs... Today, it is the United States, Britain and the Zionist regime which are doomed to disappear as they have moved far away from the teachings of God... It is a divine promise...

Why the AP can't report on Ahmadinejad's direct (and repeated) threats to the U.S., the U.K., and Israel is anyone's guess. Maybe Ali Akbar didn't hear about the AFP article. But that seems highly unlikely, since this isn't the first time Iran's president has threatened the West with holocaust. A more realistic possibility is that this article is another product of the AP's unique skills: incompetence, anti-Western bias, fabrication, and editorial ignorance; all blended together into a noxious tonic.

For that matter, another thing missing from Ali Akbar's opaque article is a candid shot of the AP's most reliable source -- Jamil Hussein -- in Qana, framed by Adnan Hajj.


It's interesting -- but not surprising -- that some of Ahmadinejad's most virulent quotes also 'vanish like the Pharoahs'. After all, this is the AP we're talking about.

At the risk of being repetitive: the AP needs to move up a couple of notches to qualify as a laughingstock. Right now, they're just pathetic failures.


Don't miss: Anchoress, Dread Pundit Bluto, Hugh Hewitt, LGF, Rick Moran, Wizbang

Where's Jamil?

The Associated Press is proud to present a new board game called "Where's Jamil?". Jamil Hussein is, of course, the AP's missing source for more than sixty (60) reports of murders and atrocities in Iraq. The Where's Jamil? board-game sold out in Damascus, Syria in a matter of hours!


The Where's Jamil? board-game is reprinted courtesy of Hezbro™
Can you spot Jamil?


Also see: A Blog for All: Jamil Hussein saga continues, HotAir: Jamilgate, Jawa Report: Jamil Hussein in hiding?, Michelle Malkin: Tracing 'Jamil's' footsteps, Riehl World View: Jmmmmm something or other

John Connor and Danny Bonaduce: Unrated Edition

In case you're one of the four folks who haven't seen it on YouTube, 9/11 "Truther" John Connor surprised pseudo-celebrity Danny Bonaduce with an impromptu interview. Bonaduce promptly smacked Connors into video infamy with a surprisingly powerful retort. But what most folks haven't seen is the final segment. It's been carefully reconstructed here even though someone -- who shall remain nameless, Joey -- recorded America's Next Top Model over it.


So, Mr. Bonaduce, you deny that the spaghetti here is served al dente?


Hell yes, I deny it! I'm eating it right now! It's as soft as toothpaste!


But what do you say to experts like Claus Von Baggins, who can prove this bistro always serves its pasta... al dente-style?


I'd say they're not here right now.


Then what do you say about the 30% of survey respondents who believe that all pasta served here is al dente?


I'd say they're either idiots... or they haven't eaten here.


But what about Operation Manurewoods, the declassified city memo that ordered all restaurants within city limits to serve their pastas al dente?


I have no idea what you're talking about. Why would the city dictate how a damn restaurant serves its pasta?


So you admit you don't know about this shocking memo?


Tell you what. Try the pasta yourself. Here.


Ugh. Yesssss. I guess the noodles are pretty soggy. My bad. Sorry for bothering you.


Cut! CUT DAMMIT!!


Man, I shoulda listened to my dad and stayed in the Kennedy-assassination-conspiracy business.



Oven-baked good readin', just like Mama used to make:
Anchoress: A red one, please
Captain's Quarters: No blood for blood
OTB: Beltway traffic jam
Rick Moran: Looking into the face of eternity
RUA: Must-read New Yorker article (hat tip: Gateway Pundit)
Samantha Burns: The String Game
STACLU: The ACLU's future client: robots!
Wizbang: Cheney to be Called as a Defense Witness in Libby Trial
Wuzzadem: Man, that cracker is old

Inside the Locker Room: Cincinnati Bengals

In our 33rd installment of Inside the Locker Room, we visit the inner reaches of Cincinnati's Paul Brown Stadium. The Bengals enter Monday Night's game on a roll, having won four straight. The win streak has occurred despite a series of incidents off the field, including eight player arrests in less than a year. The most recent involved wide receiver Reggie McNeal, who was arrested for -er- resisting arrest. Several players were arrested for driving under the influence including linebacker Odell Thurman, cornerback Deltha O'Neal, and wide receiver Chris Henry. In fact, Henry hit the trifecta of DUI, drug, and weapons charges while wearing his uniform.

But the Bengals appear to have put all of that behind them. Their offense, led by all-Pros Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson, has been on a roll. And their much-maligned defense has been dramatically improved.

Shhhhh. Let's listen in as Coach Marvin Lewis prepares the team for their Monday Night showdown in Indianapolis.


Guys, you've overcome a lot of adversity to be in a position to roll right into the playoffs.


Now's the time to grab opportunity, wrestle it to the ground, and stomp the life out of it.


We can do this by playing to our strengths and finding their weaknesses.


Find the weaknesses. Exploit them.


Now: time for some chalk talk. Let's lay out the Indianapolis defense.


Note the chokepoints... right here...


...and here.


So, as you come out of the bars, watch for the DUI checkpoints.


Left on Meridian, left on Washington, north on Illinois... and you could go... all... the... way...


...back to the hotel. Ready? On 3... TEAM!!

Why Google is poised to dominate the ad business

Last week's Journal described Google's strategy to build an ad platform outside of the online arena. In essence, radio, television, and some print ads will be purchased using Google's famed auction-style format, made famous by its AdWords and AdSense technologies.

There are skeptics. Many doubt that Google can play effectively in the old-media world, a venue dominated by tradition, relationships, and ad agencies. And, who knows, near-term they may be right. However, it's clear that Google is well-positioned to dominate this space. And it looks like it may be a lot easier than many pundits suspect:

1) By their searches, you shall know them: Google knows who you are and what you're looking for. In other words, if you Google "pizza 02174," the search engine has nailed your immediate need and your probable location.

2) Presence: Through Google's increasingly popular Gmail and Gtalk services, Google knows where you were last summer. Plus, they know where you are just about every minute of every day. The Gmail and Gtalk clients are also available on a wide range of smart-phones, which ensure that, even when you're not sitting at your desk, you're still using Google's communications network. So, Google knows exactly where you are.

3) Software platforms: Google's hiring practices ensure that they fill their recruiting funnel with the best and brightest software developers. No other company, from online to offline, appears to come close to Google's exceptional due diligence on development talent. And that very talent is exactly what you need to deliver advanced technology platforms that are scalable, secure, and easy-to-use.

4) IPTV, etc.: Here's the best part. As video and audio streams move to the Internet, Google can provide micro-targeted advertising to individuals, not just households (though, heaven knows, households would be nirvana for advertisers). In short, IPTV's headend-to-workstation signal delivery over IP networks promises to allow one-to-one television marketing.

Put simply, Google is poised to dominate the advertising world for reasons that may not be entirely clear to legacy media. Suffice it to say that it has positioned the chess pieces in such a way that a checkmate is not only possible, it's highly likely.

Full disclaimer: the author currently owns Google shares.

Kofi's job interview

I must say that your background as senior executive of a global organization is impressive.


Thank you. It was a complex organization to manage. Thousands of people, many different missions.


Understood. Let's delve into some of these aspects more closely. For instance: it looks like you oversaw one of the largest bribery operations in history...


Yes, it was quite lucrative. Mr. Sevan, who organized it, personally took in about $160 thousand, right under the noses of auditors and financial controllers. Of course, the real amounts were...


Yes, in the tens of billions. As I said, impressive. And your procurement staff was very skilled as well. Could you summarize their activities?


For many years, the procurement staff was able to operate successfully. More recently, though, we've had a few challenges. Mr. Kuznetsov, the head of the budget oversight committee, was recently indicted on money-laundering charges. And Mr. Yakovlev had to plead guilty to skimming about a million dollars worth of contracts. But, you know, that's going to happen. Sometimes the little fish get caught...


Indeed. Now, before you became head of the operation, you were in charge of peacekeeping efforts. Tell me a little bit about that role.


Well, despite the best efforts of our peacekeepers, it did turn out that few Tutsis were killed in Rwanda.


A few?


Maybe 800,000 or so. But certainly not a million! A few thousand Bosnians and, later, some unavoidable catstrophes occurred in Darfur, Zimbabwe, the Congo, North Korea...


Got it. What's interesting is how you dealt with all of the political heat surrounding the Human Rights Council. Very creative...


Yes, we created a Human Rights Commission to supplant it. Our first order of business, of course, was to condemn Israel... and only Israel.


Well, I've got to tell you that this is all very promising. We're going to check some references and should be able to get back to you in a few days.

Barring any surprises, it's safe to say we'll be welcoming you to our Organized Crime Family next week!


Kofi-related: IowaHawk (in a comic smackdown of biblical proportions), New York Daily News - 'The Kofi Stain', New York Sun, RedState - Israel & America still exist despite his best efforts, Captain's Quarters, Jules Crittenden, Michelle Malkin, AmericanPundit, Tutakai

Oven-fresh good readin', just like Mama used to make:
OTB: Vodkapundit health watch
STACLU: The ACLU vs. Prayer
Wizbang: I'd like to thank all of the little people who made this possible...

Exclusive: Jamil Hussein spotted in Qana!

The elusive Jamil Hussein has been spotted in Qana. This photograph -- reportedly taken by Adnan Hajj for both the Associated Press and Reuters -- is irrefutable proof of two key facts. Not only does Hussein exist, but he's also actively involved in the rebuilding of Qana.


Photo Credit: Adnan Hajj. Please note that Mr. Hussein's face is obscured to protect his identity.
How Hussein made his way from Iraq to Lebanon is quite a tale. Look for a Pulitzer-winning article on his incredible journey in the months to come!


Oven-fresh good readin', just like Mama used to make:
A blog for all: The hunt for the elusive Jamil Hussein
Confederate Yankee: Neck deep
Don Surber: 'Jamil Hussein' translated: 'Tuttle'
Ed Driscoll: Fitzgerald never met Eason Jordan
Flopping Aces: Eason Jordan & His Shill and The Search for Jamil Hussein
Gateway Pundit: In seach of Jamil Hussein
Jawa Report: Staged Qana Event Among Reuters Photo of the Year
Jules Crittenden: Mission: Find Jamil Hussein
LGF: Just read it every day
Michelle Malkin: What's so funny about going to Iraq?
Pajamas Media: Digesting the Jamil Hussein story
Patterico: Eason Jordan to pay Michelle Malkin's way to Baghdad...
Snapped Shot: Qana: Fraud of the Year
Samantha Burns: Open Trackbacks Weekend
STACLU: Weekend free-for-all

Silvestre Reyes: Deadly Serious about National Security

I'd like to take a moment to introduce you to Nancy Pelosi's choice for House Intelligence Chairman. Silvestre Reyes (D-TX) took a break from his busy schedule to answer a few questions from Congressional Quarterly. Shhhhhhhhh. Let's listen in.


Al Qaeda is what... Sunni or Shia?


Al Qaeda, they have both.


Uhm, that's incorrect.


You’re talking about predominately? Predominantly... probably Shiite.


That's also incorrect. They are Sunni. How about this one: Hezbollah. What are they?


Why do you ask me these questions at five o’clock? Can I answer in Spanish? Do you speak Spanish?”


Poquito...


Poquito?! Well, I, uh....

* * *
Glad to see the Democrats are more credible than ever on national security. Even more startling -- in this exclusive, blog-tastic scoop* -- the following questions and answers concluded the interview.


I'll make these questions a bit easier. How Mahmoud Ahmedinejad? What country is he the leader of?


I've heard of him. Belgium? How about Caracas?


Caracas isn't a country, sir. Let's see, how about this one: what is the name of the Prime Minister of Israel?


Ben Stein, isn't it?


Eeesh. Our Vice-President? The United States Vice-President. Do you know who that is?


Donald Rumsfeld!


Mmm. Okay. Do you need any help getting back to your office? It's all the way across the street, you know.


Absolutely not! I'm perfectly capable of finding my way. I left one hell of a trail of breadcrumbs!

* * *
You know, sometimes I have dreams. I dream that the Democrats were as serious about national defense as they are about leaking national security secrets, dissing the troops, and expressing raw, virulent hatred for the President.


Also see:
Congressional Quarterly: Democrats’ New Intelligence Chairman Needs a Crash Course on al Qaeda
Hang Right Politics: What to expect from the Democrats on the issue of National Security

Anchoress: An amusing go-round
GatewayPundit: Iraqi Red Crescent claims US Soldiers are the threat
Hugh Hewitt: The war within the war
OTB: Matt Drudge gets criticized
Rick Moran: Refugee problem in Iraq: bad to worse
STACLU: Pelosi Targets Grassroots Freedom of Speech and Weekend free-for-all
Wizbang: Time for a Johnson Amendment?

*First section of the interview is based upon CQ; the second section is pure, uncut, snarky satire.