Tuesday, December 16, 2003


The wife is forcing me (yes, physically compelling me) to go to the Broadway production of The Graduate tonight. "You'll get to see Linda Gray naked!", she cajoled.

Yes, Linda Gray, of Dynasty fame is going to get naked tonight. I can hardly contain my excitement. I think she might be a few days shy of 90 at this point, but I could be wrong. What a treat, Linda Gray naked. My enthusiasm for The Graduate pales in comparison to my feelings for The Producers. When I saw it at the Aronoff last year, I nearly ruptured myself due to a conniption fit of laughter. Only a well-timed intermission saved my life.

For those of you heathens unaware of the plot of The Producers, Max Bialistock - a washed-up Broadway producer - meets up with unassuming accountant Leo Bloom. Together, they happen upon a fantastic money-making scheme: sell 20,000% of a play - rather than 100% - to investors. The hitch: they must ensure that the play closes in one night, and is an utter failure. After ripping through hundreds of candidate scripts, they finally find the gem: "Springtime for Hitler", by Franz Liebkind. It is sheer madness, a celebration of the misunderstood Hitler.

Together, Max and Leo visit Franz to secure the rights to this sure-fire Broadway disaster. The author, still wearing his German war helmet and uniform, is feeding his pigeons on the rooftop of his apartment building.


Oh, how I miss ze hills und dales und vales und trails of old Bavaria
Oh, it's such bliss to kiss the Miss I miss like this in old Bavaria
Oh, ze meadows und ze mountains und ze sky
Not to mention hordes of brown shirts passing by...
Bring a tear to every single Nazi eye
In old - I'm talking old - Bavaria!

You will join me in singing and dancing the Fuhrer's favourite tune:
"Der Guten Tag Hop-Clop"! All right, key of E?
Is there any other?
Vunderbar! Eins, zwei, drei...

Lyrics: The Producers

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