Saturday, September 23, 2006

The dreams of Chavez

Brought to you through our patented Blogoscope™ technology, we've injected a tiny recording device into the brain of Hugo Chavez (yes, exceedingly difficult given the minute scale of the host brain). The following is a transcript of one of Hugie's most recent dreams:


Chomsky? Noam Chomsky? Is that you?

Not exactly, Hugo. You know me as Lucifer. Others might call me Satan or Mephistopheles. Many refer to me as Beezlebub or the Prince of Darkness. Others have named me Abraxas or Belial or -

Okay! Get over yourself. I get the picture. Yes, we know you're a bad dude, Devil... but what do you want with li'l ol' Hugo Chavez?

About your speech at the U.N....

Well, I must say, I admit I was off-base on your smell. You don't smell like sulfur. You actually smell... quite enchanting. What is that fragrance you're wearing... Polo?

Actually, Hugo Boss. There's a sale at Saks. Now I've lost my train of thought, dammit!

Oh... anyhow... about that speech. I really do not appreciate being associated with President Bush. In fact, it's quite aggravating.

What? Why? I thought you would appreciate the parallels, the symmetry, the ying and yang between America's imperialism and your demonic forces -

Shaddup, Hugo! Just shut your face for a moment and listen! Who destroyed my minions - the Taliban - and brought millions of Afghanis into the light?

Uhm, Bush.

And who crushed my favorite purveyors of mass graves, torture chambers, and rape rooms... Saddam Hussein and his sons Uday and Qusay?

Er - that would be Bush, too.

Who broke up the Islamabad-Tehran-Pyongyang nuclear parts ring that held so much promise for world destruction?

Bush! Okay, I understand!

Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet at Yale?

Bush! Bush! Bush! Yes, I get it!

Well, let's do the math: how many people are trying to immigrate to America and taste freedom?

Uhm... millions, I guess.

And how many are knocking down the doors to get into Caracas?

At last count, two Cuban whack-jobs, an alcoholic sherpa from Tibet, and a North Korean named Wang.

That's what I'm talking about! So don't ever compare me to someone who is spreading democracy, freedom and good -- ack, it pains me to even say those words!

Arrrghgghghghghhghghghgh!!! Okay, just stop the lightning!!! I promise!

That's better, Hugo... a promise is a promise...

(Breathing heavily) So... am I still eligible to get my demon wings in 2007?

Keep up the evil work and you're a lock. Okay, I've got to go now...

*Whew* I mean - where are you off to now?

Time to pay a visit to Kos. It's regarding his incessant, annoying comparisons of me to... Karl Rove!

Piping hot good readin', just like Mama used to make:
Anchoress: Chavez clearly listened to Dems and Air America
Decision '08: Chomsky and Chavez: A Mutual Admiration Society
MyVRWC: French say Osama's dead
Professor Bainbridge: Kos on Chavez
Soldier's perspective: Democrats Respond to Chavez, Liberal Backlash Ensues
Wizbang: Hugo who?

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