Sunday, September 17, 2006

On the set of Meet the Press

Heh. Now that I've snuck onto the set of Meet the Press... I'll just administer a little truth serum into this big pot of coffee. This should be... entertaining...

* * *

Wow. That was some good coffee this morning. That Lili... what a treasure.

Good morning, I'm Tim Russert. Welcome to Meet the Press. This morning's first guest: losing Presidential Candidate John Kerry who's itching to go oh-for-two in 2008...

Uhm, that was harsh. Anyhow, Tim - do you have a question?

Yep. Are you suffering from delusions? I'll be frank: Dennis Kucinich has a better chance of getting the Democratic nomination. I mean, Te-ray-zah... Christmas in Cambodia... the windsurfing... the CIA man and the magic hat... c'mon, here's a dollar - buy a clue!

Tim, is there a question hidden within that rambling bout of verbal diarrhoea? If you keep it up, my lawyers will savage you in a manner reminiscent of Genghis Kahn. Don't make me go all John Edwards on you!

I'm just trying to figure this out: do you really think you have a chance against -- Larry, cue the Empire Strikes Back soundtrack -- Hillary?

That stout little milkmaid doesn't stand a chance in any state that doesn't start with the letter N and end with K. Let me put it in terms even you can understand, Tim: I'm going to put the tape of her shrill screams on infinite loopback in my commercials... until any voter who hasn't committed suicide will vote for me just to shut her up.

That's bold talk from you, Kerry, but I'm guessing you didn't bother to check who our next guest is: the junior Senator from New York - Hillary Clinton!

Good coffee in the Green Room, Tim. Kerry - what are you going to do when the thunder, and the lightning, and the two hundred million dollars of hellfire and retribution come raining down on you? What... will... you... do then? Go running back to Teh-ray-za?

If you think the American people will vote your commodities-trading, Rose Law firm-scamming, White House travel office firing... well, if you really think that, I've got some real estate to sell you in Whitewater, you Arkansas trailer trash!

Oh, no, you didn't! Don't make me jump over this desk and open up a Swift Boat-sized can of whupass on you!

(Breaking in) Next week on Meet the Press: His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI and Saudi Arabia's Grand Mufti...

Hehe... truth serum... gets 'em every time!
(phone rings)
Yes, Mr. Murdoch. Uhm, no, Mr. Murdoch. No, it wasn't me. Yes, I know their ratings will go up. No, sir, I had nothing to do with it.

Don't miss reading:
RWN: Rightroots Blogburst
Anchoress: For Popes and Presidents, it feels like 1981 out there
Ed Driscoll: The very definition of chutzpah
Hugh Hewitt: The Pope and Good Faith
Hugh Hewitt: Prize fight on Meet the Press
Political Pitbull: Cheney on Meet the Press
RWN - Rick Moran: Pope tries again...
Wizbang: Saudi Arabia's Grand Mufti on the Pope's Statements
Wizbang: OK, I think I have this right...

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