Thursday, August 04, 2005

Sloooooooow Joe Biden

Picture credit: US Senate
Excel web sharing - spreadsheet collaboration over the Internet made easy with BadBlueLet's, for just a moment, examine one of the most bizarre speeches I've ever heard. The speech was given by Slow Joe Biden, the serial obstructionist. Biden's latest strawmen are assembled in this doozy of a speech, which he gave Friday at the American Constitution Society national convention (a big hat tip to RadioBlogger). His goal? To spread fear, uncertainty and doubt regarding the GOP agenda, including the confirmation of one John D. Roberts, nominee to the Supreme Court.

Here are some of Biden's brain droppings:

...the Constitutional exile crowd... believes not just that privacy rights should be diminished, it's members believe that there should be none. I repeat that. No general right of privacy whatsoever... the government, whether state, federal or local, could forbid couples as they had in the past, from using contraception.

That's the term the GOP prefers: the "Constitutional Exile Crowd." Conservative plans are in motion, their forces are gathering, and powers -- the likes of which Joe Biden cannot possibly understand -- are assembling... all with one single-minded mission: to confiscate every condom from every Walgreens in the land. Muuuhhawhawhawhawhaw!

Privacy? We don't need no steenkin' privacy! Even now, legislation is being drafted that will require webcams in every room of every residence in the US. The only question I have is: how did Biden find out?

...The government could also Constitutionally impose restrictions on the number of children you have, a bizarre notion. It exists in other countries, and God only knows what happens here in two, five, ten, twenty, thirty years...

Yes, it's sad but true. Diabolical uberman, Karl Rove, and the rest of the administration is working on exactly that... legislation to restrict the right of married couples (married, heterosexual couples, at that) to have but two children. Any additional children must be ceded to Halliburton. And, yes, the GOP has cued up John Roberts as the swing vote on any appeal.

...Will the government have unlimited power to monitor individuals, like I'm being monitored now?

I do have a solution. Simply place a tinfoil hat on your head, Mr. Biden. That wafer-thin layer of aluminum will completely block the frequency, Kenneth. And just ignore the curious looks you'll get from those around you. That's the price one pays for being a rebel. Or a serial obstructionist.

If Biden slides any further into the realm of Leftist fantasy, he'll be consigned to riding in the vegetable-powered bus with Jane Fonda and the rest of the moonbats. One can only hope that the transcript of this bizarre speech is circulated far and wide, so that all Americans can bask in the intellectual sun-lamp known as Joe Biden (and his teeth). After all, this is one of the Democratic front-runners in '08.

Just sit back and consider that for a moment.

We're Slashing the Price of Strawmen at Crazy Joe's

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