Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Handicapping the Democratic Candidates: Illustrated!

The latest Vegas betting line from the Directorblue SportsBook™:

2-to-1 Hillary

The don't-ask-how-many-pound gorilla of the Democratic race is Hillary. She's got the name, the game, and the secretive links to the Saudis. What are you gonna do, Obama, when the thunder, and the lightning, and the 600 million dollar war-chest comes raining down on you? What are you gonna do then, Obama??

3-to-1 Barack "Ears" Obama

With the revelation that his full name is Barack Saddam Obama, wingnuts swarmed like flies on Michael Moore. They accused him of attending a madrassa -- a hardline Islamic religious school -- as a child and, worse, of communicating directly with Jane Fonda. If he can overcome his sensitivity related to his physical appearance (namely his freakishly large ears, each of which merits a separate zipcode), he's a strong contender to upset Hill.

4-to-1 Al "Man, it's hot out here" Gore

Assuming the fragile ecosphere can last for another two years, Al Gore figures to be a strong player in '08. His movie, An Inconvenient Poot, documents the catastrophic impact that cows have had on global warming and has provided new visibility for Gore. Never mind that it was warmer in the Middle Ages than it is today; Gore's hysterical exhortations remind us that he can really bring the heat to Hillary and the rest of the slate.

5-to-1 John "Seance" Edwards

If John Edwards can successfully channel JFK, he'll have a reasonable shot at a dark-horse victory. After all, he's got the hair, the teeth, and the face. Edwards has deigned to run this time as a progressive; he no longer supports the war, wants to fight global warming, and hopes to cure the common cold among the poor. Best of all, if Edwards is elected President, Christopher Reeves will walk again.

11-to-1 Slow Joe Biden

Whispers of plagiarism in his past campaigns haven't stopped Biden from announcing his intent to run in '08. There are two messages his advisors should be delivering, but aren't: (a) the combover ain't working; and (b) Richard Grieco has a better chance of getting elected President.

Be sure to visit: Take the pledge!

Also see: Barking Moonbat, Betsy's Page, Captain's Quarters, Don Surber, Dr. Sanity, Flopping Aces, Gateway Pundit, Hang Right Politics, Hugh Hewitt, Nuke Gingrich, Pierre Legrand, OTB, Political Pit Bull, RCP Blog, Riehl World View, STACLU, Wizbang, Wuzzadem

No comments: