Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Welcome to the Joseph Rago Pro Journalist Institute


I'm Joseph Rago and I'd like to personally thank you for choosing the Joseph Rago Pro Journalist Institute.

As a budding journalist, you'll be pleased with your choice. Our beautiful Newark campus is truly a sight to behold.

And because you're here, you know that traditional mainstream media isn't dead yet - not by a long shot, sparky!

Our rigorous curriculum and distinguished faculty members make for a collaborative and dynamic learning environment.

And what can you expect to learn from instructors like Dan Rather and Eason Jordan?

You'll learn how to use forged documents... even unbelievably bad ones!

You'll discover how to collect reports from make-believe sources like "Jamil Hussein" and "Green Helmet Guy."

You'll also learn how to curry favor with dictators and suppress news in order to keep your foreign bureaus open.

And we haven't forgotten multimedia! Under the tutelage of reknowned instructor Adnan Hajj, you'll use Photoshop to create on-the-scene, live-action photographs... almost as if you were there!

Not only that, you'll find out how to sway public opinion with enhanced or even completely fabricated "news" stories!

And what about disclosing national security secrets like the pro journalists at the New York Times? Yep, you'll learn how to cultivate sources holding grudges and reveal critical programs like terrorist surveillance and SWIFT that endanger Americans.

You can only find this exciting program in one institution: the Joseph Rago Pro Journalist Institute! So thank you again for choosing us. Just remember - we're the mainstream media... and we're not dead yet!

And don't forget to ask about our new work-from-home program... it doesn't involve "blogging" or even having to talk with "bloggers" like Hugh Hewitt. We guarantee it!

Oven-baked good readin', just like Mama used to make:
Anchoress, Belmont Club, Captain's Quarters, Hang Right Politics, HotAir, OTB, Patterico, Rick Moran, Sparks from the Anvil, Thomas P.M. Barnett, Wizbang, Wuzzadem

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