Tuesday, August 07, 2007
First Annual Celebrity Hostage Draft!
Mia Farrow recently offered to exchange her freedom for that of an imprisoned humanitarian worker in Darfur. Farrow made the offer in a letter written to the Sudanese president (hat tip: EIB).
The idea has swept the globe! Terrorists worldwide will draft celebrities this evening, who will offer themselves up in exchange for kidnapped civilians.
And, so, we welcome you to the First Annual Celebrity Hostage Draft. Skip, we're ready to roll... very excited... here's the first selection...
1 - With the first pick in the terrorist draft, the Al Qaeda Fighting Butt-scabs select... Sean Penn!
2 - With the second pick in the terrorist draft, the Hezbollah Stanky Hookahs choose... Barbra Streisand!
3 - With the third pick in the terrorist draft, the Hamas Suicidal Loons pick... Alec Baldwin!
4 - With the fourth pick in the terrorist draft, the Al Qaeda-in-Iraq Crusty Feces select... Michael Moore!
5 - With the fifth pick in the terrorist draft, the Ansar al-Islam Slithering Scumbags choose... Martin Sheen!
6 - With the sixth pick in the terrorist draft, the Islamic Jihad Crazy Crackheads pick... Susan Sarandon!
7 - With the seventh pick in the terrorist draft, the Abu Sayyaf Exploding Turtles choose... Charlie Sheen!
8 - With the eighth pick in the terrorist draft, the Jemaah Islamiyah Exploding Penguins select... Tim Robbins!
9 - With the ninth pick in the terrorist draft, the Fatah Exploding Baby Seals choose... Harry Belafonte!
10 - With the tenth pick in the terrorist draft, the Darul Islam Exploding Puppies pick... Susan Sarandon!
You can not choose Susan Sarandon, we already choose Susan Sarandon!
No you didn't, you son of a liar! We pick Susan Sarandon first!
I KILL YOU!
Errrr... thanks for watching the first -- and, apparently, the last -- Celebrity Hostage Draft!
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