Thursday, October 05, 2006

Deep inside the Democratic planning bunker...

Thanks to our patented Leftotronic™ technology, we've secreted a hidden camera and microphone deep inside the Democratic National Committee's command bunker. Shhhhhh.... let's listen in as the party leaders plan for campaign 2006...

Now, guys and gals, we have got to jump on this entie-yah Foley sitchee-ation and make these Republicans pay this time. Any ideas?

It's simple, you bald-headed cracker! Let's put the heat on Speaker Hastert! Chop off the head... and the torso... -er-... bleeds... a lot!

Don't you mean, "chop off the head and the body dies", genius? That's whah you appear on Fox and I don't. Your brainpower couldn't illuminate a flashlight, Beckel.

Stop your insipid infighting. We have one enemy: Bush and the rest of the Republicans.

Hate to break it to you, Alan, but that's more than one.

Stifle yourself, Beckel! If I need your opinion, I'll squeeze your head! The problem is that Hastert's timeline holds up! The family purposefully withheld the information from him. So that's a dead-end.

That's big talk comin' from you, pencil-neck. Why aren't you sitting on Hannity's lap, you ventriloquist's dummy?

Boys! Shut the hail up! You all are behavin' like seven-yeah olds.

Howie, you've been awfully quiet. Any strategies from our ostensible party leader?

Culture of corruption! Abramoff!! YEEEEAAARRRGGGHGHGHHAAARGH!!!

You know... Howie's right. Loud and somewhat deranged... but right. The culture of corruption has been the Republicans' biggest problem for years. Think about the Abramoff scandal...

Hey, Einstein, did you forget that our dear leader, Harry Reid, took about $70K from Abramoff's firm? And then did some extensive lobbying on his behalf? Plus, at least one of Reid's folks went to work for Abramoff? That's the last thing we wanna do - open that can of worms!

Hmmm, you have a point. Maybe that whole corruption theme is a bad idea. We don't want to remind voters of the $90 grand found in Jefferson's freezer... that pins the tail right back on the donkey, so to speak.

What about the child-subordinate angle? Cain't we take advantage of that?

Oh, don't go there, you bald-headed stooge! That'll bring up the whole Reynolds affair and the pardon!

Refresh mah memory. What the hail are you talkin' about?

Are your brain-cells still burned out from the Al Gore victory party in 2000?

Don't you remember? Jessie Jackson added former Democratic Congressman Mel Reynolds to his Rainbow payroll. Reynolds was one of maybe 175 pardons that Bill granted just before leaving office. Reynolds was serving a federal sentence for... about 15 convictions of wire fraud, bank fraud, and lying to the Federal Election Commission. Plus he was serving five years for sleeping with an underage campaign volunteer.

So do we really want to resurrect that story? Think about it: an ex-congressman who had sex with a subordinate won clemency from a president who had sex with a subordinate, then was hired by a clergyman who had sex with a subordinate? And his new job with Rainbow was as... youth counselor?

Do you really want to bring that up?

Bill, are you payin' attention? This is serious! What the heck are you reading? Is that a Hustler magazine??

(Flips magazine shut) It's not what it looks like!!

Oven-fresh good readin', just like Mama used to make:
Captain's Quarters: Appeals Court Hints At Reversal On NSA Surveillance
Hugh Hewitt: Foley fallout, part I
Rick Moran's RWNH: October 5th, a day of peace, love, and...
STACLU: A Short History Of The ACLU
Wizbang: Foley: the plot sickens

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