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Ha. Ah'm Al Gore. As you know, it's gettin' hotter than hell around here.
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That's why I've been telling y'all about global warming.
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Skeptics
will tell you that because the Earth exists in the Sun's "atmosphere," solar cycles are responsible for warming the Earth.
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Let me assure you that is utter propaganda designed to damage my --er--
the world's investment in carbon offsets.
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I'll admit, though, that the Sun
is playing a minor role, a very minor role -- after humans, of course -- in warming the Earth.
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But one of my inventions -- no, it's not the Internet, silly! -- may be able to solve the problem.
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I'm talking Gore-Tex™, my miraculous invention made of recycled Llama hair and space-age petroleum byproducts.
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I've devised a plan to use Gore-Tex to shield the Earth from the Sun's harmful rays.
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Think of it as a pair of Ray-Bans™ for our beloved Earth Goddess Gaia.
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With my new foundation,
Al Gore's Mission to the Sun, we're planning on a space-shuttle launch to deploy an enormous Gore-Tex shield that can protect the Earth from getting metaphorical skin cancer.
With its adjustable filtering, we can change it from a "sunblock level" -- scientists call this an SPF factor -- 30 to SPF 3. This will have a dramatic impact on global warming, along with outlawing cars.
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The
UN and the IPCC are telling me this idea is sheer genius. That's why I'm asking for your help.
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We're looking for your contributions. Anything you can spare, be it $500, $100, $20, or even some carbon offsets... anything you have would be greatly appreciated.
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Visit
AlGoreMissionToTheSun.com or call 1-888-555-GOREIFY for more information or to contribute.
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And, pass the Mint Julep, will ya, Tipper? It's gettin' steamy in here!
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