Friday, October 22, 2004

Bush Scaring Seniors Again

Click here for AmazonMy frail, 94-year old grandmother was rudely awakened at about one o'clock this morning by a very frightening phone call.

"HOWDY!" the loud voice said in a thick Texas drawl. "I'm George Bush! I just wanted to call to let ya'll know that when I'm re-elected, the first thing I'm gonna do is take away your social security. All you old geezers will be out on the street with the rest of the gutter trash!"

"Bull***t," Gramma shot back.

"No, bull***t, ma'am. No siree," Bush responded. "This is George Dumbya Shrub, the pee-Resident select, and I'm going to cut off your medicare, raise the prices on your prescription drugs, kill your poodle and burn your house down. Yeee-haaaaaaaw!"

"I'm hanging up," Gramma warned him.

After a brief pause, the caller changed tactics.

"Paralysis got you down?" he asked. "Vote for John Kerry, and you'll get up out of that wheelchair and walk again."

"I'm not in a wheelchair!" Gramma replied.

"Alzheimers, eh? Too bad Dumbya banned stem cell research, or your brain wouldn't slowly be turning into goo as we speak."

"Oh Jeezus!" Gramma groaned.

"Ah, an Evangelical, are ya? Did you know that Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian?"

"You're making me sick."

"Well, Gramma, you better hope it's not the flu, 'cause Bush is withhol-"

"Lawrence, is that YOU?" Gramma growled, cutting him off in midsentence. "You little sh*t! How'd you get my number?"

"Err...ummm..BUSH STOLE THE ELECTION!" the mysterious, yet enlightened caller stammered. "WHERE'S OSAMA, YOU CRAZY OL' BAT?"


Alas, look at what it's come to. Bush has polarized this nation to such a degree that reich-wing grandparents are rudely hanging up on their own grandchildren, and getting unlisted phone numbers so you have to hire a private investigator to track them down. Some grandparents are even changing all the locks on the doors, and getting big guard dogs to keep friends and family from pulling out their Bush/Cheney yard signs and tp'ing their trees.

All this thanks to a man who promised to be a uniter, not a divider.

Bush Scaring Seniors Again

Pithy Line o' the Day

Hugh Hewitt: "How do you ask a goose to be the last goose to die for a campaign stunt? How do you ask a goose to die for a photo op?"

Flash Animation o' the Day

Florida Presidential Election Voting Simulator

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