Sunday, February 03, 2008

ADAA Presents: Super Tuesday Bowl 2008!

The American Dodgeball Association of America, America's finest Dodgeball Assocation, presents...

SUPER TUESDAY BOWL, 2008, the Dodgeball Tournament that pits the two Democratic Presidential front-runners against the two top GOP contenders...

...And now your hosts for this breathtaking event, Cotton McKnight and color man Pepper Brooks!

Thank you! Welcome, folks to Super Tuesday Bowl 2008. I'm Cotton McKnight with Dodgeball legend Pepper Brooks.

Yippy ka-yay, m[bleep]-[bleep]ers! Back to you, Cotton!

That's why Pro Dodgeball is on a five-second tape delay, folks. Pepper, break down this intriguing match-up for us.

No-problemo, cucaracha! The Democratic Purple Cobras have a beguiling combination of youth and experience with up-and-coming superstar Barack "Saddam" Obama and long-time standout Hillary "Saddlebags" Clinton.

And what about the underdogs, the Republican Average Joes?

Fascinating pairing, Cotton! More complex than a Rubik's Cube painted all one color! We've got the up-and-comer Mitt "The Hammer" Romney, representing the new guard of conservative thinking along with John "Two Parties" McCain. Of course, McCain almost joined the Purple Cobras a few years ago and many believe he'll become a spoiler this year!

A spoiler? How so, Pepper?

Remember, in political Dodgeball, there are no f[bleep]g rules, Cotton! During the match, McCain could actually switch sides, join up with the Purple Cobras, and start pounding Romney!

Wow, that's what makes this sport so great! The unpredictability... the action... the body parts scattered on the pitch after a match! Well, folks we're ready... here's Michael Bufffer to announce the start of the match!

Ladies and gentlemen......... welcome to Suuuuuuuuper Tuesday Bowl 2008. And now let's introduce the principals. Wearing the blue and purple of the Democratic Purple Cobras... Hillary "Cattle Futures" Clinton and Barack "Rezko" Obamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Wearing the red and yellow of the Republican Average Joes... Mitt "the Comeback Kid" Romney and John "Keating Five" McCaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!

And now, Dub Lite Beer and Aztlan-brand Dip'n'suck Tequila-Tortilla Chips are proud to present Super Tuesday Bowl 2008! For the thousands in attendance, and the millions watching around the world... let's get ready to Dodgeball!

Purple Cobras - ready? Average Joes - ready? Dodgeball!!!

Whoa, Pepper, they're cobra-quick! Clinton and Obama grab their balls and we're off!

I can't believe this, Cotton, McCain is hiding behind Romney! I've never seen that before!

Hillary, sensing an opportunity, strikes like the proverbial Chinese espionage agent!!

You're goin' down like a sweet muffin, Romney!

Hillary's throw goes low. Romney ignore Clinton's taunt, catches it on the bounce and fires!

Obama is... frozen... unprepared... his inexperience showing... OUCH!!! Wow, did he get tagged!

Cotton, Obama just got lit up like Happy Hour at Ted Kennedy's house!

Oh, look out! Hillary winds up and fires!

McCain, still hiding behind Romney! Hillary's throw narrowly misses Mitt!

McCain retrieves, throws... weak throw, almost a toss... Hillary grabs it! McCain's out!

It's almost like he wanted to lose to Hillary, Cotton! Now it's just Hillary and Romney, mano-y-mano!

And Romney unleashes a rocket!

Hillary dives, trying to catch it!

Whoa!!! She misses it! She's out! She's out! And Romney wins!

What an adrenaline rush! Cotton, I haven't seen anything like this since the Mongolians got upset by South Park in '99! Pepper needs to change his shorts!

I've got to say that Romney was impressive - the teams are congratulating each other now...

It was hard to tell whose team McCain was on out there, Pepper!

True dat, Cotton. Tru dat.

Well that's it for Super Tuesday Bowl 2008. Join us next week when Hillary Clinton and John McCain join forces in an exhibition match against Mitt Romney and Fred Thompson.

Linked by: Instapundit and Jules Crittenden. Thanks!

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