Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Democratic-approved Interrogation Methods

After three days of screaming headlines about the CIA destroying videotapes in 2005 of the "harsh" interrogation of two terrorists, it now comes to light that in 2002 key members of Congress were fully briefed by the CIA about those interrogation techniques, including waterboarding. One member of that Congressional delegation was the future House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi.

In all, the CIA provided Congress with some 30 briefings on waterboarding before it became a public issue.

Given a proclivity for changing their minds on matters of national security (consider waterboarding, the Iraq War, or Alcee Hastings), Democrats have released a list of approved interrogation methods. Interrogators may:

Tickle with a feather (if tickling is performed by a child)

Allow the detainee to watch only Gilligan's Island re-runs

Limit dessert selection to Apple Pie Cobbler

Cancel the detainee's Delta Skymiles (although interrogators may not alter the prisoner's Medallion status)

Have Michael Bolton perform in the detainee's cell

Restrict club selection to irons at the Gitmo golf course

Prevent thermostat that controls air-conditioning from being set lower than 75°

Embroider prayer mats with tiny pictures of George W. Bush

* * *

Keep it up, terrorists, and the Democrats'll really start playing rough. Can you say "Richard Simmons?"

No comments: