EXCLUSIVE: Secret Agenda for the 2016 Democratic National Convention Revealed!

Cub Reporter Biff Spackle scoops the world with this exclusive, tippity-top secret agenda for the DNC.

2016 Democrat National Convention
Schedule of Events
 7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
 7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED NATIONS
 7:20 pm Actor Portraying Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Hillary Clinton
 7:25 pm OPENING ISLAMIC PRAYER - Rep. Keith Ellison
 7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Leonardo DiCaprio
 7:55 pm Actor Portraying Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Joe Biden
 8:00 pm MUSICAL INTERLUDE ON GLOBAL WARMING: John Kerry and James Taylor
 8:30 pm TRANSGENDER WEDDING PLANNING - Caitlyn Jenner
 8:55 pm Actor Portraying Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Hillary Clinton
 9:00 pm CLOSING GITMO: WHAT COULD GO WRONG? - Barack Obama
 9:30 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN - Cindy Sheehan and Sean Penn
 9:55 pm SECURING YOUR PERSONAL EMAIL SERVER - Bryan Pagliano
10:00 pm Actor Portraying Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO the late VP Joe Biden
10:05 pm COLLECTION DRIVE FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN SCHOLARSHIP FUND - Barbra Streisand
10:30 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Barack Obama
11:00 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - A POEM BY William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Actor Portraying Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Nancy Pelosi's Rack
11:50 pm A PLEA FOR MASS PARDONS OF VIOLENT FELONS - Howard Dean
12:15 am FREE THE MINUTEMEN UNLAWFULLY IMPRISONED IN GITMO - Michael Moore
12:25 am Actor Portraying Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Beyonce
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Vladimir Putin
12:45 am NOMINATION OF HILLARY CLINTON - Senator Chuck Schumer
1:00 am Actor Portraying Ted Kennedy SINGS NATIONAL ANTHEM
1:05 am CORONATION OF HILLARY CLINTON
1:30 am Actor Portraying Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Mary Jo Kopechne
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks actor Portraying Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home.

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