Saturday, May 02, 2009

Somali Coast Cruise Package


Need to get away from it all and cut loose?

The Coast-of-Somalia Cruise Package is the cure for what ails you. And rates have never been cheaper!

Depart from beautiful Sawakin in the Sudan and arrive refreshed at Bagamoya in Tanzania, seven adrenaline-charged days later!

Bring your own high-powered weapons (handguns are welcome!) or rent them from our onboard Master Gunsmith. Enjoy reloading parties every afternoon with skeet and marksmanship competitions every night! We even have an indoor range for those rare days when the weather is uncooperative!

Starting at $3200-per-person (double occupancy, inside room) and $3,900 (veranda complete with bench rest), you'll relax like never before.

Rent a full auto M-16 for only $25/day with ammo attractively priced at $16 per 100 rounds of 5.56 armor-piercing;

On a budget? Rent a full-auto AK-47 for only $9/day with 7.62 ball ammo at $12 per 100 rounds.

Hello! Nothing gets a pirate's attention like a Barrett M-107 .50-cal sniper rifle; only $59/day with 25 rounds of armor-piercing ammo affordably priced at only $29.95.

Need a spotter? Our professional crew members can double as spotters for only $30/hour (spotting scope included, but gratuities are not);

Want to make a real impact? Rent an RPG for only $175/day with three fragmentation rounds included!

Free complimentary night vision equipment is included and coffee, pastries and snacks are always available on the main deck from 7pm until 6am.

Our deluxe package comes complete with gourmet meals and all rooms offer a mini-bar.

But that's not all! Twin mounted miniguns are available for rental at only $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire.

And we guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or you'll receive an instant $1,000 refund upon arrival in port.

How can we make that guarantee? We operate at 5 knots always staying within 12 nautical miles of the coast of Somalia. In fact, we make three passes through the area's most treacherous waters to ensure maximum visibility by Somali "mother ships".

At night, the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot every five minutes with loud disco music directionally beamed shoreside to attract maximum attention.

Reserve your package before May 31 and receive 100 free rounds of tracer ammo!

Testimonials

"Six attacks in 4 days were more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12-year old son sank two boats with the mini-gun. What a birthday present!" -- Fred D., Cincinnati, OH

"Pirates 0, Passengers 32! Well worth the trip! Can't recommend it highly enough!" -- Ben L., Bethesda, MD

"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in 'Nam. Don't worry about getting shot by pirates... they never even got close to the ship with the crap they shoot and their lousy aim... reminds me of a drunken juicer door-gunner we picked up from the motor pool in Phu Bai!" -- Dan J. -- Toledo, OH

Act now, because cabins and pirates are limited! You don't want to miss this adrenaline-charged vacation experience, available exclusively from Cheney Industries, a division of Halliburton!



Linked by: SondraK. Thanks!

5 comments:

msb said...

where do we go to sign up
for this awesome cruise.
looks like an adventure
of a life-time. the price
is very high but maybe there
are specials at sometime.
sounds like a city slicker vacation.
just show us how to sign up.
msb

v said...

same here..where do i go to sign on!!

Anonymous said...

whats the prices bro #Reach #swag

Robert Janicki said...

A cruise to die for....if you're a Somali pirate, that is.

Anonymous said...

beats the Carnival Cruise to Jamaica by a nautical mile