Saturday, April 25, 2009

At last: Democrat-approved interrogation methods

Having revealed all of America's secrets regarding interrogation, President Obama has published an official list of "approved interrogation methods".

The following MAITS (or "mildly annoying interrogation techniques") have been approved by Democrats until its practitioners are prosecuted. Read it and weep, neocons:

Tickling rapidly with a feather (provided that tickling is performed by a child);

Allowing the detainee to watch only reruns of Gilligan's Island;

Limit dessert selection to Apple Pie Cobbler (whipped cream is not permitted);

Cancel the detainee's Delta Skymiles (interrogators may not alter the prisoner's Medallion status, however);

Have Michael Bolton perform in the detainee's cell;

Restrict club selection to irons at the Gitmo golf course, even on par fives;

Prevent thermostat that controls cell air-conditioning from being set lower than 72°;

Embroider prayer mats with tiny pictures of George W. Bush;

* * *

Keep it up, Al Qaeda, or the Democrats will really start playing rough. Can you say "Richard Simmons?"

Linked by: Unreligious Right. Thanks!

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