Tuesday, April 14, 2009

President Obama's 10 Most Wanted Rightwing Extremists

Civilian Internal Security Force * * * CONFIDENTIAL BULLETIN

[10] Neal Boortz: Prolific promoter of dangerous ideas such as the "FairTax" and "Tea Parties". Boortz commands an immense radio audience and frequently appears on television while shamelessly preaching heretical, extremist views such as changing the tax code and reducing the size of government bureaucracies.

[9] Hugh Hewitt: The former child star ("A Christmas Story") has grown up to become the reported leader of the rightwing Northern Alliance, host of a syndicated radio program and television commentator. Do not approach without electronic warfare support as Hewitt is known to use Twitter at the drop of a hat.

[8] Charles Johnson: An Internet savant who unfairly destroyed the careers of Dan Rather, Adnan Hajj and other upstanding journalists, Johnson should be considered armed (with a keyboard) and dangerous.

[7] Glenn Reynolds: (AKA "Instapundit") mass purveyor of rightwing propaganda and linkage; performs "blogging" at rates that can only be called dangerous. His family members are also "bloggers" and may be equally radicalized.

[6] Sean Hannity: one of the few rightwing extremists who is fluent in all types of mass media; from radio to television to the Internets. He has become even more radicalized since his partner of many years quit (Alan Colmes). Colmes was reportedly a calming force and tempered Hannity's extremism. Without that balancing influence, Hannity is said to have become a cheerleader for extremist views like "FairTax" and "Smaller Government".

[5] Rush Limbaugh: Said to command an army of rightwingers approaching 40 million. Do not approach without RPGs and other heavy weapons.

[4] Michelle Malkin: Rightwing extremist who is not easily pigeon-holed or stereotyped; appears on television and radio; in newspapers and on the Internet. Unlike most other wanted extremists, does not utilize a comb-over as a disguise. Evangelizes radical concepts such as "secure borders", "strong national defense" and "fiscal responsibility for government." Therefore, do not approach without overwhelming superior force.

[3] Mark Levin: Highly dangerous and said to be the thought leader behind many rightwing extremists. Known to openly flaunt radical documents such as the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and The Declaration of Independence. Skilled in multiple forms of martial arts and once registered his hands as lethal weapons.

[2] All Veterans: Veterans possess combat skills and experience that are attractive to rightwing extremists. President Obama's Civilian National Security Force is concerned that rightwing extremists (hereafter referred to as "wingnuts") either are veterans or will attempt to recruit veterans.

[1] Larwyn: no details are available regarding this shadowy figure, who is said to be the hidden force behind rightwing extremism. A national task force has been assigned to determine the identity of this individual.

Remember, CONTACT the Civilian Internal Security Force (or Rahm Emanuel if the line is busy) should you identify any of these individuals. DO NOT ATTEMPT to engage in a political debate yourself as you WILL lose and will likely suffer severe psychological damage.

Linked by: The Anchoress and Don Surber. Thanks!

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