Sunday, November 11, 2007

"I'm not just running a campaign... I'm having a conversation."

Scene: Hillary Rodham Clinton Town Hall meeting - Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

Next question, please. That distinguished gray-bearded gentleman over there.

As an older person, I'm worried about the long-term effects of global warming on my children and grandchildren. How does your plan combat climate change?

Well, you should be worried. You know, I find as I travel around Iowa that it's usually young people that ask me about global warming. But I'm really glad you asked this question. Our energy policy is dedicated to pragmatic steps to reduce our dependency on foreign oil. We'll invest your tax dollars in trying to find new forms of energy, we'll tax all emissions -- harmful or not, and we'll establish a Department of Proper Tire Inflation to enforce new rules requiring folks to have their tires inflated to the correct pressure.


Thank you. Next question? Oh, that man with the black mustache, please. Yes, sir?

Yes, thanks for calling on me. I want to know how you are standing up to President Bush on the question of funding the Iraq war and a troop withdrawal timeline.

Our message to the president is clear. The time to begin to end the war is today. I have a three-step plan to bring our troops home, bring stability to the region, and replace military force with a crack diplomatic squad that will help ensure Iraq's future. Details of this plan will be available shortly after I take office.


Okay, next? Oh, the blonde with the glasses. Your question, ma'am --er-- -- --s-sir?

Ah jes' wannet te ask about th' lack o' respec' in this country what with all the crazy crackas usin' bad language lahk the N-wood an' such, so I jes' wannet t' fine out if ya'll raise the level o' discourse in this here country and what not?

Well put, blondie. Americans have had it up to here with fakes. Fakes like Imus and Dog the Bounty Hunter who pretend to be inclusive but -- when push comes to shove -- practice a policy of racism and exclusion. If I'm elected president, we will practice a policy of inclusion, embracing all Americans -- and we won't tolerate any neo-cons, evangelicals, and other members of the vast right-wing conspiracy who may try to stop us!

Well... I'm sorry, that's all the time for questions that we have -- but I wanted to thank you for this interactive session. This is exactly what I meant by having a conversation with America!

More sock-puppet reading: Blue Crab Boulevard*, Carl Cameron, Don Surber*, Fox News, GM Roper*, Jammie Wearing Fool*, Newsbusters, New York Post (* = linked to this story - thanks!)

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