Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Politically Incorrect Toy Firearms

Suitably Flip tags the Nerf N-Strike Longshot CS-6 as the next hot Christmas toy certain to be banned by Chuck Schumer.

This is the season when a boy's thoughts turn to gifts and my thoughts turn to the one gift I never got. I was jealous of the kid next door for a whole year because he had a Johnny Seven OMA.

In the sixties, Johnny Seven OMA (One Man Army) was the ultimate toy firearm. It integrated seven distinct weapons (thus the Johnny Seven) into a single chassis:

* Grenade
* Anti-Tank Rocket
* Armor-Piercing Shell
* Anti-Bunker Rocket
* Repeating Rifle
* Tommy Gun
* Automatic Pistol

All of the firing mechanisms were attached to the main rifle assembly - the pistol inserted from the bottom to provide the rifle grip (the pistol also held caps for authentic firing sounds). The main ammunition included various sized white bullets that would "shoot" from the barrels via spring-action. The rockets and grenade also fired via spring-action. The weapon featured a working bipod that provided stability for the various rockets and grenade. The stock could be removed to shorten the weapon while in Tommy Gun mode. The toy when fully assembled is over three feet long.

Decades later, I still remember the Johnny Seven and how my parents never bought me one. But I'm not bitter. *Sniff*

That's what I'm talking about, Nerf people! When you can beat the Johnny Seven, then we'll talk!

Honestly, though, if you saw a kid walking around with a Johnny Seven these days, someone would call in a SWAT Team, a hostage negotiator and the police psychologist.

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