Satire Alert: In real life, the brilliant Don Rickles never does any routine that even remotely touches on politics. Truth be told, I am a huge fan of Mr. Rickles, so I'm hoping this disclaimer gets me out of hot water with his public relations folks. Although I am pleased that I have actually met people -- very large and intimidating people -- who know him. So, remember, these are not Mr. Rickle's words; nor does he approve of them; and furthermore he is only -- by the barest thread imaginable -- tolerating my existence.
Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?
Seriously, Senator Reid has a face of a Saint - A Saint Bernard.
Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee Herman look like Mr. T.
And Reid's so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi look like an intellectual.
Nevada is soooo screwed!
If I were less polite, I'd say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.
Speaking of the Speaker... Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba!
Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.
Seriously, the Speaker may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. She really is an idiot.
Madame Speaker... want to make twelve bucks the hard way?
Pelosi says she's not partisan, but her constituents call her Madame Pelossilini.
Charlie Rangel... still alive and still robbing the taxpayers blind. What does that make, six decades of theft?
Rangel's the only man with a rent-controlled mansion.
He's the guy who writes our tax laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income!
So why isn't he the Treasury Secretary?
Rangel runs more scams than a Nigerian Banker.
Barney Frank - he's a better actor than Fred Flintstone.
Consider... he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown and they're not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they're still heading up the financial system!
Let's all admit it... Barney Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on novocaine.
How did this guy get elected? Oh, that's right... he's from Massachusetts.
That's the state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry -- man of the people!
You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open wine bottles with him.
Here's a news flash, Dodd: when your local newspaper calls you a "lying weasel", it may be time to retire.
Dodd's involved in more shady deals than the Clintons.
Even Rangel looks up to him!
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, I really respect you... especially given your upbringing. All you've overcome...
I heard your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works for you.
Personally, I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?
Gibbs does his best expositional work in the bathroom every morning.
As for President Obama, what can I say?
They say President Obama's arrogant and aloof, but I don't agree.
Now it's true when you enter the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.
His mind is open to new ideas -- so open that ideas simply pass through it.
Obama lies so much, I was actually surprised to find out his first name really was Barack.
Just don't ask about his middle name!
But Obama was able to set a record... he actually lied more in 60 days than Bill Clinton.
As far as his administration -- what with the tax cheat and lobbyists -- well, in the words of Patches O'Houlihan, "It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there."
With all due respect.
I've found that if you add "with all due respect" to the end, any insult is okay.
Linked by: Instapundit. Thanks!