Thursday, July 30, 2009

Iranian State Television Presents: Meet the Press

Welcome to Iran's longest running program since the revolution: Iranian TV's Meet the Press!

Today's guest: Supreme Leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran, his holy beardness... Ayatollah Ali Khamenei!

And now to your host: Haddad HomAyoon...

Supreme Leader, many young, foolish students have asked why must we stone women for adultery, hang homosexuals, flog dissidents, and suppress opposition political --

Silence! Guards! Send this infidel host to the gallows! Next host!

Errr... umh... Dearest Supreme Leader, some misguided souls argue that Iran must abandon its quest for nuclear weapons and embrace a new strategy for --

Outrageous! Guards!! 500 lashes and 25 years for this traitorous son of a monkey! Next!

Uhm... ahhhh... oh... Most Benificent... Supreme Leader... of Untold Piety, should thieves suffer two hand amputations rather than one?

Ah, excellent question... host. Remember, as prescribed by hodud, amputation of a single hand is a punishment approved by Iran’s Supreme Court. And remember a missive from years past: if thieves don’t want their hands cut off, they should stop stealing. Also, I may confide that our latest statistics show that public amputations have a visible effect on controlling the crime rate!

Uhmm... excellent, excellent. Well, Outrageously Wondrous Supreme Leader of Epic, Awesome Wisdom and Piety... we appear to have run out of time...

Thank you for watching Meet the Press. Join us next week, when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Sean Penn interrogate our hosts.

Also, we have many job openings on Meet the Press, including television hosts - no experience whatsoever required! Call 7-21 to apply.

Thank you for watching and tune in next week. Now stay tuned for Project Runway: Burka Babes Go Wild!

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