Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Barack Obama's Device to Implement Government-Run Health Care

Dale Brumfield sends along this apt description and illustration:

Computer (A) tells faceless bureaucrat (B) that patient needs hip replacement surgery, who thumbs through 2,000-page health care index (C) to see if it is covered procedure. Wind from fanning pages (D) powers eco-correct wind-powered vacuum (E) which sucks wallet (F) from American taxpayer’s pocket (G). Wallet travels through tube (H) and drops into “Big Pharmacy” slush fund bucket (I). Weight of wallet tilts TV (J) playing endless loop of President Obama saying, “If you like your current health coverage you can keep it.” Angered by president’s message, taxpayer’s blood pressure (K) raises meter, tripping lever (L) and rolling ball (M) into basket (N). Basket compresses bellows (O), injecting taxpayer with mandatory H1N1 vaccine (P) and ejecting thousands of pink slips (Q) for health insurance industry employees. Basket also trips switch on eco-correct twisty fluorescent bulb (R), which slowly melts ice block (S). Water collects in funnel (T), tipping lever and raising calendar (U), postponing surgery by six months and revising cost matrix (V), showing physician (W) that a double-foot amputation costs less than a hip replacement. Patient (X) has both feet amputated instead of hip replacement, saving government program $72.

If only it really were that straightforward.

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