Washington (DRNS) - Citing concerns over plummeting poll numbers, the Democrat National Committee today unveiled Postracialosaurus, its new mascot designed to appeal to liberals and children.
"Our hope is that we can really pump up turnout with 'Postie'," said Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD), "that's what our focus groups told us and that's what we believe."
"Look at that insurance company's caveman and lizard ads. Or that f***ing duck! A duck! It increased sales like a gazillion percent for them."
Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid helped fund the effort with taxpayer dollars, and the Senate majority leader also played a key role in the focus groups that approved the new mascot.
"Harry really helped craft the approach," said Van Hollen, "We could tell when 'Postie' danced into the room that we had a winner. Harry was clapping and laughing and squealing like a little girl as the mascot launched into a series of Party anthems including F*** the Constitution, the Soviet National Anthem (Гимн Советского Союза) and Democrats über alles."
"Look, anyone with an ounce of sense knows that we really screwed things up. We had a Stimulus program that hurt the economy... we passed a 'health care reform' bill that didn't fix Medicare or Medicaid... and we passed a 'financial reform' bill that didn't address Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac. And we did all of those things against the will of the vast majority of Americans. So we thought: hey, it's time for a mascot!"
Van Hollen explained that, given the infantile thought processes of the left, Democrat pollsters were predicting that turnout among progressives would increase roughly 8.4% with a marketing campaign heavy on 'Postie' and light on facts.