Dumpster-diving pays off again for Junior Cub Reporter Biff Spackle.
Please enter your real name, you will have an opportunity to make up names later
Do you have access to a car or other vehicle?
Don't know/don't remember
If No, do you know how to hot-wire an ignition?
If Yes, how many homeless vagrants or illegal aliens can you transport?
9-11 Conversion van
100-199 Semi with empty trailer
Do you know any dead people?
If you had to make up names of people for some reason, which method would you use?
Members of the Dallas Cowboys/NFL team
Cast of Beverly Hills 90210
Cast of Star Trek
Superheroes like "Batman" or "Underdog"
Other cartoon characters like "Tin Tin" or "Jonny Quest"
Names of cheap beers, malt liquors and wines
Series of random letters like "Aasdfasdf Aasdfasfs"
Please check any relevant experience?
Intimidating bank employees
Child Prostitution, Slavery
Illegal Immigration, Human Smuggling
Slashing Tires, Assault, Battery
Breaking and Entering
Mail or Wire fraud
Rating subprime debt tranches "AAA"
How would you prefer to be paid?
Beers/malt liquors (cans)
Beers/malt liquors (bottles)
Wine, wine spritzers (specify red, white or gray)
Cans of mackerel
When can you start work?
Tomorrow after 3pm
If tomorrow, do you need written directions to remember how to return here?
Hat tips: Leo Alberti (Obamacorn logo), Michelle Malkin and Larwyn.