Top 10 Signs that Your Bank Is Failing, from Late Night with David Letterman, January 8, 1991:
10. Free handful of Cheetos with every new account.
9. They hand out calendars one month at a time.
8. Security guard offers to walk you back to your office for five bucks.
7. Overhear branch manager muttering to himself, "I wonder if you can eat squirrel?"
6. Free giveaway toaster is made by G.E.
5. Automatic teller machine replaced by fat guy with carton of twenties.
4. You glimpse inside the vault and notice it's stacked with empty soda bottles.
3. You deposit cash; an officer runs over, sticks it in his pocket, and dances around yelling, "Lordy, we're having biscuits tonight!"
2. You recognize some of the tellers as carnival people.
1. They can't change a twenty.
This was back in the day. You know, when Letterman was actually funny, hadn't lost his mind, and didn't have a vendetta against a popular governor and her young daughters.
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