Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Avatar Review: More Than Just 'Dances With Wookies'

Avatar in four words: Production: $183,000,000. Script: $14.25.

Cameron must have blown his entire budget on CGI, which was gorgeous, and forgotten to spend on the story. Cameron's under-$15 script recycled a bunch of the old favorites:

Dances With Wolves: Dude goes native except he's 9-feet tall and blue.

The natives even ride horsey-type creatures and use bows-and-arrows.

And they ride in packs and wear war paint and scream when they attack. Clever!

Aliens 2: the evil corporate boss with Giovanni whatever-his-name-is playing the Paul Reiser character.

Oh yeah -- and they threw in Ripley for good measure.

Pocahantas - Native chick falls in love with the dude who goes native.

And is it weird that I was strangely attracted to a nine-foot tall blue chick?

Lion King - Let no Disney script go untapped! In this case Hakuna Matata...

I swear to you that I kept waiting for the cast to break out in a chorus of Circle of Life.

And, really, the whole Gaia versus the evil corporation meme rings a bit hollow, what with California shutting down a million acres of prime farmland to save a frickin' two-inch river smelt.

Mr. Cameron: next time save a little budget for story development. Tell you what: I'll throw in my screen-writing services for half off.


Anonymous said...

I won't f****n' see it. Why did you even bother? I read the synopsis months ago and knew what Cameron was up to. You know who your readers are, and we don't need the review. I'd prefer to just see you smear your ass on it in absentia.

Reliapundit said...

u r right.

a complaint i've heard from several who've seen it is that it's incessant and nonstop and relentless.

no pacing. not enough lulls to regroup.

in your face all the time.

exit question: will 3d/imaxization be the colorization of the 2010's?

that's all it might end up beionmg.

talkies were a novelty at first, then they had to write good stories and have great actors.

if people just want effects they can get them in computer ganes and amusement parks. or on drugs.

the 120 minute movie needs more.

how bout a 3d/imaxization of.... 300!

that would be great!

Mike aka Proof said...

"is it weird that I was strangely attracted to a nine-foot tall blue chick?"
You must have missed Rebecca Romijn in those X-Men flicks!

soufron said...

Actually, the script was REALLY 14,25$... To tell the truth the whole story seems to be plagiarized from a French comic called Aquablue.

Want to know why the aliens are blue and why the human corporation is evil?

Have fun. The pictures speak for themselves.

Francis W. Porretto said...

This movie has a lot of us conservative and libertarian techno-weenies severely conflicted. We lust after the beautiful CGI visuals, but the ultra-PC triteness of the story is just too much to bear.

My family is furious at me for insisting that they'll get to see it on DVD...while I'm in another room.

Anonymous said...

Look at all the comments about Cameron's $14.25 script... I guess your blog sucks for a reason.