Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Transcript: Calling the DemCare Emergency Help Line

Welcome to the National Health Care Emergency Help Line!

For Espanol, press 1.
For Urdu, press 2
For Arabic, press 3
For Farsi, press 4
For Hmong, press 5
For all other languages, press 6

6

Thank you! Did you press 6? If yes, press 1. If no, press 2.

1

Thank you. To speed processing of your call, please key in your 9-digit social security number, whether it was illegally obtained or not.

5 5 5 4 4 3 3 3 3

Thank you. Did you enter five five five four four three three three three? If yes, press 7, if no, press 3.

7

Thank you. Please enter the nature of your ailment, condition or problem.

For Achondroplasia, press 1-0-0-0. For Acne, press 1-0-0-1. For Acrodysostosis, press 1-0-0-2. For Acromegaly, press 1-0-0-3. For Adenoids, press 1-0-0-4. For Adrenoleukodystrophy, press 1-0-0-5. For Age-related macular degeneration, press 1-0-0-6. For Agoraphobia, press 1-0-0-7. For Albinism, press 1-0-0-8. For AIDS, press 1-0-0-8. For Alcohol poisoning, press 1-0-0-9. For Alpha-1-antitrypsin deficiency, press 1-0-1-0. For Alport syndrome, press 1-0-1-1. For Altitude sickness, press 1-0-1-2. For Alzheimer's disease, press 1-0-1-3. For Amyloidosis, press 1-0-1-4. For Anaemia, press 1-0-1-5. For --

*

Thank you. To enter the nature of your ailment, condition or problem by name, use the touch-tone keypad to spell the name, then press the pound sign.

4 (h) ... 3 (e) ... 2 (a) ... 7 (r) ... 8 (t) ... 2 (a) ... 8 (t) ... 8 (t) ... 2 (a) ... 2 (c) ... 5 (k) ... #

Did you select HEART ATTACK? If yes, press 2, if no, press 9.

2

On a scale of 1 to 9, with 9 being excruciating pain, how much pain are you in?

9

Enter your age, followed by the pound sign.

7 4 #

I'm sorry, the maximum age of treatment for this condition, as determined by Federal Coordinating Council for Comparative Effectiveness Research is Seventy-three. Thank you for calling.

Good-bye.

7 2 # ... 7 2 # ... 72 #

*** Click ***

[Call recording terminated]


3 comments:

Jim - PRS said...

Excellent.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of a friend of mine in the UK who thought it was ridiculous to have to dial 9-9-9 for emergency care--as they then did--when it really should have been 1-1-1.

S said...

As someone who has had a heart attack (at the tender age of 39), this hits home very sadly. My biggest fear, since I've had a heart transplant, is that I've used up my share of the pie. If something else should fail (kidneys, liver, or even my heart again), will I even stand a chance at getting what I might need.

I doubt it and I'm only 47.